Topic: Sam Pemberton does not sleep. He waits... (Read 2939 times)

JonP · « **on:** June 26, 2009, 05:26:24 pm »

Sam counted to infinity - twice.

Sam does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Sam goes killing.

If you can see Sam, he can see you. If you can't see Sam you may be only seconds away from death.

Sam sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Sam roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Sam.

Sam built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Sam met all three bullets with his siamese cats, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Sam has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Sam Pemberton toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Sam's shoe. Sam replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Sam Pemberton!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal falcon punch delivered by Sam.

andychapm · « **Reply #1 on:** June 26, 2009, 05:35:29 pm »

Sam punched a rock face in castleton and created Peak Cavern.

andychapm · « **Reply #2 on:** June 26, 2009, 05:35:49 pm »

Sam doesn't cave in Derbyshire, he is caving in Derbyshire

SamT · « **Reply #3 on:** June 26, 2009, 05:41:11 pm »

WTF

andychapm · « **Reply #4 on:** June 26, 2009, 05:47:37 pm »

Quote

Sam met all three bullets with his siamese cats

Jams · « **Reply #5 on:** June 26, 2009, 06:39:24 pm »

When Sam does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

andychapm · « **Reply #6 on:** June 26, 2009, 07:02:36 pm »

Sam Pemberton doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Normally, it's time for the pub though.

JB · « **Reply #7 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:10:32 pm »

Eco anchors are pretty strong. Sam removes them with a roundhouse kick to the face.

Mark · « **Reply #8 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:21:15 pm »

Superman wears Sam Pemberton Pyjamas

JonP · « **Reply #9 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:23:01 pm »

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Sam Pemberton, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Crop circles are Sam's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the funk down!

Sam's iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

If you want a list of Sam's enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Evolutions is not real... Sam decides who shall live and who shall die.

Mark · « **Reply #10 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:36:22 pm »

Death once had a near Sam Pemberton experience

JB · « **Reply #11 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:38:35 pm »

Sam once flew down Eldon Hole and came out of Peak Cavern scorched by the fires of hell.

martinb · « **Reply #12 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:56:06 pm »

I was lifted from Flower Pot by Sam Pemberton.

I am forever in debt.

andychapm · « **Reply #13 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:56:10 pm »

There is no 'Ctrl' button on Sam's computer. Sam is always in control.

JB · « **Reply #14 on:** June 26, 2009, 08:58:39 pm »

When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the first Terminator film it's implied that he's going to Dronfield to ask Sam Pemberton for help.

andychapm · « **Reply #15 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:20:55 pm »

Quote

I was lifted from Flower Pot by Sam Pemberton.

I am forever in debt.

You were lucky to have survived the ordeal

andychapm · « **Reply #16 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:23:39 pm »

There's not enough room for Sam to roundhouse kick anyone in Flower Pot

JB · « **Reply #17 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:24:34 pm »

Since Sam started caving, falcon punch related deaths in the Hope Valley have increased by 12,000 per cent.

SamP · « **Reply #18 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:46:47 pm »

underground · « **Reply #19 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:54:16 pm »

Shiiit. I saw Sam Pemberton in the road earlier, with a little glint in him eye. I am now grateful he permitted me to go inside unharmed. Wicked Falcon punch demo he did, stopping millimetres away from my face....

I now know how lucky I've been, I was at Sam Pemberton's door

JonP · « **Reply #20 on:** June 27, 2009, 01:01:05 am »

Sam pushed through the choke at the end of critchlow and exited via boulder pot only to meet us back at the critch with fresh ice cream from the lathkill-dale ice cream van. this was after a short stint free diving far sump.

ive heard rumours of a gold mine aswel.

Dan · « **Reply #21 on:** June 27, 2009, 04:12:37 am »

Ehhh????

andychapm · « **Reply #22 on:** June 27, 2009, 08:10:16 am »

Quote

Sam pushed through the choke at the end of critchlow and exited via boulder pot only to meet us back at the critch with fresh ice cream from the lathkill-dale ice cream van. this was after a short stint free diving far sump.

I heard that he ran all the way back to Dronfield to his favourite ice cream shop and then dived far sump, ice creams in hand and then met us in Critchlow without any damage to said ice creams. And we had stopped for 5 minutes for a rest.

He was a bit slow though, due to the roundhouse kicks he had to deliver to various passers bys' faces.

Jams · « **Reply #23 on:** June 27, 2009, 09:50:56 am »

Sam Pemberton ordered a Big Mac in Burger King and got one.

mik starr · « **Reply #24 on:** June 28, 2009, 07:12:26 am »

Sam's sister lost her virginity............... Sam got it back!

Author Topic: Sam Pemberton does not sleep. He waits... (Read 2939 times)