Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1112157 times)

Offline Maj

  • forum star
  • ****
  • Posts: 725
  • MNRC, ATLAS, CPC.
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5925 on: February 11, 2018, 04:56:41 pm »
I've just been doing our weekly shop with my wife, when totally out of the blue she called me a lazy bastard.

I was so shocked, I nearly fell out of the trolley.



Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline andys

  • Outside its dropped to under zero, but I'm warm on here as a
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 1102
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5926 on: February 11, 2018, 05:32:42 pm »
¡uᴉɐƃɐ ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ƃuᴉʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ɯ’I 'ǝʞɐs ʞ**Ⅎ
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline paul

  • Global Moderator
  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 4100
  • Orpheus CC, NPC
    • Orpheus Caving Club
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5927 on: February 13, 2018, 05:35:00 pm »
I'm not a complete idiot: some parts are missing!

Offline rhychydwr1

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 3126
  • Russian, the best
    • http://www.showcaves.com
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5928 on: February 14, 2018, 10:18:47 am »
An old girl got in a state every year over sending Christmas cards whether she bought too few or too many, forgot people who sent her one, but sent cards to those who never returned one.

She had a bright idea: she would write a list of names as cards arrived and she wouldn’t send any,  or even buy them, until the list was complete. She would then know exactly how many cards she needed and whom to send them to. Cards arrived day by day, names were added to the list until eventually it was the last date for posting.

She rushed from shop to shop in a panic until, at a little comer shop, she found one box left containing 200 identical cards. ...

She bought them, dashed home, wrote them out, then ran and caught the last post. Returning home almost in tears with the stress, she collapsed into an armchair with a stiff drink. As she recovered she noticed the rhyme – This little card is just to say, a Christmas gift is on its way.

Offline tony from suffolk

  • forum hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2190
  • I see dead people...
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5929 on: February 16, 2018, 12:25:20 pm »
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now, you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline hoehlenforscher

  • addict
  • **
  • Posts: 152
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5930 on: February 16, 2018, 11:23:11 pm »
Q. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

A. Aye Matey.

Offline hoehlenforscher

  • addict
  • **
  • Posts: 152
Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #5931 on: Yesterday at 09:24:39 pm »
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The keeper said it was bred in captivity

What is ET short for?
Because he only has little legs.