BREAKING: Top clubs to form new world caving superleague

[David Rose]

Many cavers will have read James Tabor's enthralling book Blind Descent, which describes the true-life, mano a mano contest between Bill Stone and the Russians to find the world's deepest cave.

Along the way, he introduced the concept of 'supercaves', holes so deep that they present a set of uniquely dreadful perils: 'Drowning, fatal falls, premature burial, asphyxiation, hypothermia, hurricane-force winds, electrocution, earthquake-induced collapses, poison gases and walls dripping sulphuric or hydrochloric acid.'

Now, I can reveal, taking up his lead, six of the world's leading caving clubs have formed a 'superleague' to continue this competition. Generous sponsorship from Petzl, Aventure Vertical and MTD means that their members will be able to turn professional - and so have the time to become a new, honed elite of underground explorers, with the skills and funding to inaugurate a new golden age of speleology.

Whisper it not: two British clubs have been selected for this lucrative honour, the Wessex Cave Club and, fittingly, the venerable Yorkshire Ramblers Club, bearers of a proud tradition dating back to 1892.

Watch this space for more news, and congrats, everyone. And commiserations to those that didn't quite make the cut - Imperial College (deemed by the organisers to be 'too nerdy for TV' and SWCC, who apparently failed on the grounds that 'their hut is so big they don't need the money'.

 

[Graigwen]

I am surprised that the list of superclubs does not include Pwll Du Cave Management Group.

They are custodians of a vast cave, the depth of which remains unknown a quarter of a century after its discovery.

.

 

[Blueberry]

They are only in it for the money, f**k the fans and the local cavers. And once you're in you're in, no relegation if you don't perform. Terrible news.

 

[Badlad]

Surely this is good news for the mid table clubs such as the TSG, BEC, NPC as they'll rise to the top of the English league. 

I imagine that clubs like the Happy Wanderers would be excluded for drug violations, not recreational as in the old days but more of necessity to keep them alive.  No coincidence they were 'Happy', but anyway they won't get the insurance to travel now.

 

[ChrisJC]

I am surprised that the list of superclubs does not include Pwll Du Cave Management Group.

They are custodians of a vast cave, the depth of which remains unknown a quarter of a century after its discovery.

.

This should be in the Friday Joke thread.

Chris.

P.S. It's not a joke, it's a f*cking disgrace.

 

[Ed]

The Wessex - really?

Surely that should be the Bradford - after all a quiet a few Wessex members are on the Bradford reserves bench 

 

[pwhole]

Funnily enough the TSG are meeting a local newspaper proprietor, an arms dealer and a merchant banker to discuss some exciting new proposals for taking the club forward. Naturally we'll have to move our headquarters to a city office to enable Peak Cavern bookings to progress in a streamlined fashion (I have some brilliant citrus ideas for decor - lime and tangerine!), but we feel certain that our local fanbase will see this is a golden opportunity to see the value of the club increase. And if they don't want to buy shares they can still watch us caving on the subscription-only TSGTV. But now I have to catch a plane to Dubai so I'd better get my shit together!

 

[Fishes]

Just think of the overpriced merchandise possibilities.

 

[Alex]

I didnt understand this until I noticed the news about football clubs doing it. My view IDGAF.

 

[NewStuff]

Deep Dark Dirty Wet Holes CC is perhaps a touch unlikely to get admission to any league, given our laid back attitude to rules, padlocks and the opinions of PDCMG... 

 

[RobinGriffiths]

The Chelsea Spelaeological Society are preparing documentation to request their withdrawal from the Caving Superleague.

 

[Graigwen]

I am surprised that the list of superclubs does not include Pwll Du Cave Management Group.

They are custodians of a vast cave, the depth of which remains unknown a quarter of a century after its discovery.

.

This should be in the Friday Joke thread.

Chris.

P.S. It's not a joke, it's a f*cking disgrace.

I already posted the ultimate joke on the Friday Joke thread:

"Ogof Draenen has only one entrance".


.

 

[Joe Duxbury]

The Chelsea Spelaeological Society are preparing documentation to request their withdrawal from the Caving Superleague.

Well, we were never in it in the first place. The application was made as part of an attempted coup, by the military chaps from the CSCA who have infiltrated the club. The CSS committee have all been under 'house arrest' for the past few days, with our internet cut off, unable to call for help.

 

[Mattrees]

The Chelsea Spelaeological Society are preparing documentation to request their withdrawal from the Caving Superleague.

Well, we were never in it in the first place. The application was made as part of an attempted coup, by the military chaps from the CSCA who have infiltrated the club. The CSS committee have all been under 'house arrest' for the past few days, with our internet cut off, unable to call for help.

Is that what they mean by Chelsea pensioners?

 

[David Rose]

Many will have noted the ugly scenes last weekend outside the Wessex Cave Club hut at Upper Pitts in Priddy with horror and amazement. It seems the membership does not approve of the abortive superleague project. Let this be a lesson to all cavers and their club committees. I only hope it doesn't do the image of our sport lasting damage. 

 

[Aubrey]

Many will have noted the ugly scenes last weekend outside the Wessex Cave Club hut at Upper Pitts in Priddy with horror and amazement.

The problem outside Upper Pitts last weekend was the traffic jam caused when everyone tried to exit the car park to get to the Centre of the Universe. There was an ill timed announcement that the Hunters was reopening for the first time since the pandemic lockdown.