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  1. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought to myself, "The streets seem strangely desserted."
  2. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Three months ago I had a neck brace fitted. I've not looked back since.
  3. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.
  4. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Sat watching Blue Peter with my mates the other day, when I thought; shouldn't one of us try to resuscitate him?
  5. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    My half brother and I aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws any more.
  6. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    The man who invented the speed boat has died. His funeral is next Friday, 10am followed by a wake.
  7. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Today I looked up an old girlfriend from school. That’s the one great thing about being a gynaecologist.
  8. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    I called my local Sealife Centre today. They told me my call may be used for training porpoises.
  9. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    I got into a fight with a bloke who had a sword. He cut my arms, legs and torso off... So I quit whilst I was a head.
  10. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    My friends dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: "What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!"
  11. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt lorry tonight. "You idiot!" I shouted, through gritted teeth.
  12. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Anyone wanting to join my Christmas choir? So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.
  13. GarDouth

    CNCC Newsletter 14 - December 2023

    It would be considerably beneficial to keep CNCC initialism and I like both of the suggestions that do that. Rebranding without changing the initialism would be quick and simple (and can be done over a longer timeframe).
  14. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Dentists are going on strike on Tuesday. Brace yourselves.
  15. GarDouth

    Caving Memes

    Or... just download the full set from here: https://cncc.org.uk/caving/topos (with only one boilerplate page and an index). The set gets updated when the individual ones do. :geek:
  16. GarDouth

    Photography Showcase 3 per week limit

    Caving under hanging death in the North York Moors.
  17. GarDouth

    Caving Memes

    Could you elaborate on this please as I can't see the issue. Downloaded topo filenames start "CNCC_Topo" and similarly, descriptions start "CNCC_Description". Followed by the name of the cave. So as not to hijack this thread please can you (or anyone else who has seen this issue) drop me an...
  18. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    I went to a pet shop to try get some breeding birds. The owner said: "Have you got a store card?" I said "No, but I did once get a budgie very excited."
  19. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    My mate told me that he once dated a twin. I asked “How could you tell them apart?” He said “Maria painted her nails red and Tony had a beard.”
  20. GarDouth

    Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

    Male bees die after mating. That's basically their life. Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
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