I met a Mobius Strip one evening, sitting alone, sobbing inconsolably “whats wrong?” I asked “where do I even begin?”

Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers. It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

Not sure why it was built but it is definitely in use by an animal with a fairly wide track between legs, possibly a badger, though given how high on the fell it is more likely a fox. It is possible that this is a well established fox den and hunters have had their dogs stuck down the hole in...

A nurse is giving a male patient a check over. Afterwards she says to him ‘I’ve been in nursing for 30 years but I’ve never seen anyone with a penis shaped like a saxophone before.’ He says ‘It’s unusual but all the family have genitals shaped like musical instruments’ Nurse says ‘ Hang on...

A Tibetan Monk has apparently seen the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He told reporters "I can't believe it's not Buddha"

Which reminds me that I also got a highly commended for an entry into a Farmers Weekly Limerick competition with the following (Only the first line was provided) A farmer stood proud in his field His glee it was barely concealed ‘Cos his bananas were growing Although it was snowing Ain‘t it...

There was a young man from Dundee whose member hung to his knee One day in the street I nice girl he did meet and he pole-vaulted over a tree (All credit to Kingston University Caving Club drunken limerick competition 1990 :-) )

Someone just phoned, sneezed and hung up. This is the fourth time this week and I’m really getting fed up with these cold-calls.

The older I get the more I regret all the people I've lost over the years Maybe being a mountain guide wasn't the best career choice after all!

Not managed to read the whole thread yet, but if anyone fancys making a donation to sensible tree planting then I work for Stump up for Trees which aim to plant a million trees in the Bannau Brechiniog. This is a bottom up, farmer led approach that aims to plant the right trees in the right...

My boss is a bit wierd. Told us that from now on we could only use the toilet on a rota system, with everyone being designated a time when they were allowed to go. When they told me it was my turn I couldn't give a shit

One of my sheep got really cold during lambing and ended up in ICU care. Any better?

One of my sheep struggled to give birth in the recent cold weather and ended up n ICU ( there is a joke in there somewhere. I'm working on it!)

I've been offered a bit of part time work with a dried fruit distributer. Just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates.

Some friends suggested holding a joint party for the Chinese New Year and Burns Night called ‘Chinese-Burns Night’ I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm...