tdobson
Active member
Some trips are cursed from the start. This one was cursed from about three days before the start, and the curse just kept building momentum like a runaway mine cart.
It began with Jane dislocating her big toe – not exactly the sort of injury you can tape up and ignore when you’re planning to squeeze through underground passages. Kyle stepped up to take over leadership duties, which was brilliant until the new work roster landed and suddenly he was needed to wrangle actual monkeys instead of cavers. “Will they let you have the day off if you promise to bring one or two of the chimps with you caving?” Nicky suggested helpfully. “Preferably not one of the stabby ones though!”
Enter Max, heroically volunteering to lead a trip to a mine he’d never been to, with a group of people he’d barely met. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, Ness could get stuck in Ireland with flight delays and have to cancel last minute due to moving house chaos, for starters.
Then there was the Great Parking Confusion of 2025. Despite Jane providing perfectly clear directions, we managed to achieve the impressive feat of splitting between two completely different car parks. Nick ended up at the proper caving spot car park near Gulliver’s Kingdom, proudly reporting “only 2 cars here” while everyone else congregated at Matlock Spa Road, about a mile and a half away.
What followed was a comedy of WhatsApp location sharing, with Max playing shuttle service in his car while Nicky apologised profusely for running late through Sparrowpit. “Wait, now I’m confused!” became the theme of the morning as we tried to coordinate between a blue Sandero, a white van, and whatever Nick was driving.
But the real entertainment came when Nicky accidentally sent what she diplomatically calls “a wildly inappropriate photo” to the group chat. Let’s just say it wasn’t a cave formation, and the frantic deletion attempts had everyone in stitches. “If anyone was victim to seeing a wildly inappropriate photo for a group chat, from me earlier on here, then I apologise!” she posted later, though the damage to everyone’s composure was already done.
Once we finally regrouped and got underground, Great Masson delivered everything Jane had promised – spacious passages, fascinating artefacts, and plenty to explore. But this being a cursed trip, even the familiar had surprises in store.
The big shock came when we reached what should have been the lake. Last time with Jane, there’d been a proper body of water with a beer bottle bobbing about in the middle like some sort of underground maritime litter. This time? Bone dry. Completely empty. “Oh shit, where’s all the water gone?” was the general reaction.
Nick’s response to this geological mystery was to scramble across the empty lake bed “like a child,” getting increasingly excited about formations on the far wall. “Quick, quick, you wanna see this! You wanna see this!” he kept calling, dragging everyone over to examine his discoveries. One particular find had him giggling like a schoolboy – someone had apparently been creative with clay during a previous visit, leaving behind what Nicky diplomatically describes as “a clay cock” embedded in the wall. The childlike delight this caused was probably visible from the moon.
Nick’s enthusiasm was infectious throughout the trip. Being somewhat taller than the rest of us, he kept insisting “I can stand up here” in passages where everyone else was crouched down, only to discover moments later “oh yeah, it goes on” as the ceiling dropped even lower. Max’s deadpan response of “You obviously didn’t wanna go that way” became the trip’s running joke.
The swimming section lived up to its reputation, though “swimming” might be generous – it was more like very wet squeezing. This is where Max made what he later called “the worst decision I ever made” and decided to take a proper dip in the copper-rich water. At the time it seemed refreshing; later it would prove to be the first domino in a catastrophic chain of events.
For Nicky, this return visit was a massive confidence boost. The slippery mud climb that had been such a struggle on her first trip with Kyle and Jane was much more manageable this time. Partly because it was drier with the mysterious lake disappearance, but mainly because her gym work had been paying off. “Going in isn’t bad because you just lower yourself down the rope, but going back out I remember struggling. I had to use my knees a lot. But obviously my strength has got better.” The satisfaction of tackling familiar ground with newfound confidence was written all over her face.
The underground part was absolutely brilliant – great company, fascinating mine workings, loads of artefacts to examine, and enough variety to keep everyone entertained. Nicky’s photos afterwards captured some cracking shots of the mine’s features and the team enjoying themselves.
But Max’s phone, freshly ionised by all that copper in the water, had other plans for the day.
Without GPS navigation, Max couldn’t avoid the inevitable M60 traffic nightmare and ended up in four hours of complete standstill. Then his car broke down. Then his rear windows got stuck open. “My phone has stopped working. I was in standstill traffic on the M60 for 4 hours. My car broke down. And now my rear windows won’t go up,” he reported from what can only be described as automotive purgatory.
“We should have just gone with Jane,” he concluded, which was probably fair comment given that Jane’s broken toe was looking pretty minor compared to Max’s litany of mechanical disasters.
“Honestly this whole trip was cursed,” Max summed up perfectly. “I am never volunteering for anything ever again.”
Though to be fair, he did add: “The only thing that will cheer me up now is Nicky’s pictures.” And when those finally arrived at 1am, they were indeed excellent – proper shots that captured both the mine’s features and the team’s enjoyment, proving that despite the chaos, curse, and copper-ionised carnage, Great Masson had delivered exactly what it promised: a spacious, interesting explore with great company and plenty of laughs.
Just maybe don’t go for a swim next time.
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More Caving Crew trip reports here
It began with Jane dislocating her big toe – not exactly the sort of injury you can tape up and ignore when you’re planning to squeeze through underground passages. Kyle stepped up to take over leadership duties, which was brilliant until the new work roster landed and suddenly he was needed to wrangle actual monkeys instead of cavers. “Will they let you have the day off if you promise to bring one or two of the chimps with you caving?” Nicky suggested helpfully. “Preferably not one of the stabby ones though!”
Enter Max, heroically volunteering to lead a trip to a mine he’d never been to, with a group of people he’d barely met. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, Ness could get stuck in Ireland with flight delays and have to cancel last minute due to moving house chaos, for starters.
Then there was the Great Parking Confusion of 2025. Despite Jane providing perfectly clear directions, we managed to achieve the impressive feat of splitting between two completely different car parks. Nick ended up at the proper caving spot car park near Gulliver’s Kingdom, proudly reporting “only 2 cars here” while everyone else congregated at Matlock Spa Road, about a mile and a half away.
What followed was a comedy of WhatsApp location sharing, with Max playing shuttle service in his car while Nicky apologised profusely for running late through Sparrowpit. “Wait, now I’m confused!” became the theme of the morning as we tried to coordinate between a blue Sandero, a white van, and whatever Nick was driving.
But the real entertainment came when Nicky accidentally sent what she diplomatically calls “a wildly inappropriate photo” to the group chat. Let’s just say it wasn’t a cave formation, and the frantic deletion attempts had everyone in stitches. “If anyone was victim to seeing a wildly inappropriate photo for a group chat, from me earlier on here, then I apologise!” she posted later, though the damage to everyone’s composure was already done.
Once we finally regrouped and got underground, Great Masson delivered everything Jane had promised – spacious passages, fascinating artefacts, and plenty to explore. But this being a cursed trip, even the familiar had surprises in store.
The big shock came when we reached what should have been the lake. Last time with Jane, there’d been a proper body of water with a beer bottle bobbing about in the middle like some sort of underground maritime litter. This time? Bone dry. Completely empty. “Oh shit, where’s all the water gone?” was the general reaction.
Nick’s response to this geological mystery was to scramble across the empty lake bed “like a child,” getting increasingly excited about formations on the far wall. “Quick, quick, you wanna see this! You wanna see this!” he kept calling, dragging everyone over to examine his discoveries. One particular find had him giggling like a schoolboy – someone had apparently been creative with clay during a previous visit, leaving behind what Nicky diplomatically describes as “a clay cock” embedded in the wall. The childlike delight this caused was probably visible from the moon.
Nick’s enthusiasm was infectious throughout the trip. Being somewhat taller than the rest of us, he kept insisting “I can stand up here” in passages where everyone else was crouched down, only to discover moments later “oh yeah, it goes on” as the ceiling dropped even lower. Max’s deadpan response of “You obviously didn’t wanna go that way” became the trip’s running joke.
The swimming section lived up to its reputation, though “swimming” might be generous – it was more like very wet squeezing. This is where Max made what he later called “the worst decision I ever made” and decided to take a proper dip in the copper-rich water. At the time it seemed refreshing; later it would prove to be the first domino in a catastrophic chain of events.
For Nicky, this return visit was a massive confidence boost. The slippery mud climb that had been such a struggle on her first trip with Kyle and Jane was much more manageable this time. Partly because it was drier with the mysterious lake disappearance, but mainly because her gym work had been paying off. “Going in isn’t bad because you just lower yourself down the rope, but going back out I remember struggling. I had to use my knees a lot. But obviously my strength has got better.” The satisfaction of tackling familiar ground with newfound confidence was written all over her face.
The underground part was absolutely brilliant – great company, fascinating mine workings, loads of artefacts to examine, and enough variety to keep everyone entertained. Nicky’s photos afterwards captured some cracking shots of the mine’s features and the team enjoying themselves.
But Max’s phone, freshly ionised by all that copper in the water, had other plans for the day.
Without GPS navigation, Max couldn’t avoid the inevitable M60 traffic nightmare and ended up in four hours of complete standstill. Then his car broke down. Then his rear windows got stuck open. “My phone has stopped working. I was in standstill traffic on the M60 for 4 hours. My car broke down. And now my rear windows won’t go up,” he reported from what can only be described as automotive purgatory.
“We should have just gone with Jane,” he concluded, which was probably fair comment given that Jane’s broken toe was looking pretty minor compared to Max’s litany of mechanical disasters.
“Honestly this whole trip was cursed,” Max summed up perfectly. “I am never volunteering for anything ever again.”
Though to be fair, he did add: “The only thing that will cheer me up now is Nicky’s pictures.” And when those finally arrived at 1am, they were indeed excellent – proper shots that captured both the mine’s features and the team’s enjoyment, proving that despite the chaos, curse, and copper-ionised carnage, Great Masson had delivered exactly what it promised: a spacious, interesting explore with great company and plenty of laughs.
Just maybe don’t go for a swim next time.
--
More Caving Crew trip reports here
