Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[hoehlenforscher]

I moved into a new flat and asked the landlord if I could set up a cloning machine in the spare room

Of course, he said, make yourself at home

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[hoehlenforscher]

I see they are bringing out a new Bond Movie where 007 undergoes gender reassignment to become a female agent...

It will be titled "Coctapussy"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My Gran died on her 96th birthday.
It was such a shame - we were only half way through the bumps.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

For those who no longer fit ..........either squeezes or clothes.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Boots the chemists are offering 3 for the price of 2 on all hearing aids.

Who the hell has 3 ears?

 

[ChrisB]

Who the hell has 3 ears?

James T Kirk - he has a left ear, a right ear and....

a Final FrontEar

 

[RobinGriffiths]

How do you get down off an elephant?



You don't, you get it from a duck.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Graigwen]

James T Kirk - he has a left ear, a right ear and....

a Final FrontEar

I prefer the original 1950s version.

Davy Crockett had a left ear, a right ear, and the wild front ear.
.

 

[alanw]

I prefer the original 1950s version.

Davy Crockett had a left ear, a right ear, and the wild front ear.

Apparently when I was born the song was popular and I had such long hair the nurses nicknamed me Davy Crockett.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I won a Davy Crockett hat in a sweet wrapper competition.

 

[Fulk]

I was a kid when the Davy Crockett film was first shown and it became very popular; there was a rumour that cats started 'going missing' at the same time as some kids started wearing Davy Crockett hats . . .

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My friend the opera singer has his birthday soon…

What can you get for a tenor these days?

 

[oldfart]

If you're worried about your microwave collecting data and your TV spying on you...
Just remember - your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

Make parties more interesting by telling a stranger "I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here"