Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
There's a Naturist Convention at the weekend................
I might go if I've nothing on.
I might go if I've nothing on.
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
Did you know that Yul Brynner was a life long Liverpool fan and he never wore aftershave in his life.
...
Yul never wore Cologne
...
Yul never wore Cologne
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with
bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted
Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis"
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!"
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do?
My doctor wants to cut off my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid Australian docttah, always want opawate.
Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"
"Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
"Yes,"says the Chinese doctor, "Wait two week. Fawl off by itself”
A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with
bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted
Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis"
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!"
The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do?
My doctor wants to cut off my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid Australian docttah, always want opawate.
Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"
"Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.
"Yes,"says the Chinese doctor, "Wait two week. Fawl off by itself”
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Tricky Dicky
Active member
A Yorskshireman takes his dog to the vet.
"Now then, t'dog's gone and swallowed a condom. Can tha get it out?"
The vet explains that an involved operation is urgently required and it will cost £300. After some outrage over the cost the Yorkshireman agrees so the vet sends him home as the operation will take several hours.
Half an hour later the vet's phone goes. It's the Yorkshireman.
"Has tha removed the condom from 'dog yet?"
The vet replies, "No, I haven't."
"Well don't bother. T'wife's found another one down back of t'bedside cabinet."
"Now then, t'dog's gone and swallowed a condom. Can tha get it out?"
The vet explains that an involved operation is urgently required and it will cost £300. After some outrage over the cost the Yorkshireman agrees so the vet sends him home as the operation will take several hours.
Half an hour later the vet's phone goes. It's the Yorkshireman.
"Has tha removed the condom from 'dog yet?"
The vet replies, "No, I haven't."
"Well don't bother. T'wife's found another one down back of t'bedside cabinet."
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I got a letter from Royal Mail offering me a job.
I start last week.
I start last week.
legendrider
Active member
'Doctor, could you take a look at my penis?"
[Doctor thoroughly examines said organ]
'Well, I'm pleased to tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with it'
'Yes, I know. Its a beauty, isn't it?'
[Doctor thoroughly examines said organ]
'Well, I'm pleased to tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with it'
'Yes, I know. Its a beauty, isn't it?'
darkdescender
Member
Oh, don't keep harping on about it.
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
struck a chord have we?
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Sex therapists say the most effective way a woman can arouse a man is to spend ten minutes licking his ears...personally I think it's bollocks!
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