Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

As a plane is about to crash, a female passenger announces
"If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." and removes all her clothes.
"Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says
"Here, iron this!"

 

[tony from suffolk]

I was blessed with a very large penis. In retrospect, I would have preferred holy water...

 

[Mr Mike]

Just been to Aldi. Bloke kicking off about being age checked at the tills for a potato! Weapon of mash destruction

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

At the age of 65 my Grandma started walking 10 kilometres a day.
She’s 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A word to the wise during Wimbledon.
If you prepare strawberries by cutting in half, sprinkling with icing sugar and then pile cream on top ......pile cream tastes horrible.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My marigolds are looking good this year

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Are you sure that's not Elons Musk's garden?

 

[Cantclimbtom]

Are you sure that's not Elons Musk's garden?

Goodness me. I don't actually know what you're referring to, but whatever it is... I strongly suspect I'm better off NOT knowing it

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Whoever stole my shoes while I was on that bouncy castle needs to grow up!

 

[ChrisJC]

Goodness me. I don't actually know what you're referring to, but whatever it is... I strongly suspect I'm better off NOT knowing it

I suspect a reference to Musk's gesture back when he was still mates with Trump.

Chris.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I got my viagra and sleeping tablets muddled up last night and ended up having forty wanks!