Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[tony from suffolk]

FIFY...

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Not that you'll ever finding him resigning,

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Today I woke up in a sweat thinking I was late for work.
Then I remembered I was at work and relaxed a lot.

 

[legendrider]

My friend works for a Privet Equity Company

He's a Hedge Fund Manager

 

[Fulk]

Bit if an old chestnut.

 

[oldfart]

I recently applied for life insurance. They asked me: Sir, do you participate in any dangerous activities?
I replied: Yes... sometimes I disagree with my wife.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I was sitting with my wife while she sipped her glass of wine, and she said,
"I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."
I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?"
She said, "It's me talking to the wine!"

 

[legendrider]

I recently applied for life insurance. They asked me: Sir, do you participate in any dangerous activities?
I replied: Yes... sometimes I disagree with my wife.

No Joke: Don't mention words like 'digging' or 'vertical' to life insurance companies if you want a quote for life cover!

Statistically you're more likely to be hit by re-entering space junk, but try telling that to the shiny-bottomed actuaries!

 

[tony from suffolk]

Before we get to Movember, if anyone wants to sponsor me the following month for eating triangular-shaped chocolate, I'm doing Octoblerone.

 

[legendrider]

Bloody shrinkflation!

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Prior to that, it made an ideal bike rack for hamsters.

 

[oldfart]

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... That's why they are called "cell" phones.

 

[davel]

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... That's why they are called "cell" phones.

... prisoners of their own device even

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've been watching women's golf and realised how like real life it is.
Driving rubbish but great with an iron.

 

[hoehlenforscher]

Two Conspiracy Theorists walk into a bar



You can't tell me thats just a coincidence.

 

[hoehlenforscher]

Before Movember comes around, does anybody want to sponsor me eating triangular shaped pieces of chocolate, for Octoblerone????

 

[TheBitterEnd]

The other night I saw a couple weaving all over the street.

I said 'Honestly, get a loom'

 

[oldfart]

My wife told me she needed some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My wife told me she needed some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

It takes a good 'un to make next door's go off.