Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

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Sad news from the Nestle factory today.
A worker was crushed to death after a crate of chocolate fell from the high racking in the warehouse, pinning him to the floor.
He called for help repeatedly, but every time he shouted ‘The Milky Bars are on me’, his colleagues just laughed........
 
A teacher told me that I don't have to worry about spelling because in the future we will have autocorrect. I am eternally grapefruit for that.
 
A teacher told me that I don't have to worry about spelling because in the future we will have autocorrect. I am eternally grapefruit for that.
I've probably posted this before, and others probably have too ...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
It's rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
It's letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
 
A woman who had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour’s male dog while they were away on holiday.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said. “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erect!on and he will be able to withdraw.”
“Do you think that will work?” She asked with suspicion.
“It just worked on me.” He replied…
 
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