Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

I know its getting close to Guy Fawkes night but who lets fireworks off in October?

Some idiot did it last night, the dog went berserk and knocked our Christmas tree over!

 

[ZombieCake]

... that awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right by you...

 

[hyweldavies]

Allegedly the "Tommy" was Sir Thomas Beecham (1879 – 1961)

A couple more Beecham stories

During one rather unsatisfactory rehearsal "Gentlemen, you sound like an Eisteddfod!"

A rather grand lady admonished him for completely ignoring her twice at a social event "I'm terribly sorry. I only saw you the once"

And a different rather grand lady is being very complementary "Oh Sir Thomas, we so enjoyed your concert last week" and so on, and he realises he knows the lady but can't quite recall who she is. He remembers she has a brother so fishing for a clue, he asks "How's your brother, and what's he doing these days?". She looks at him wryly before answering "Well he's still King"

And a more musical anecdote, he was conducting a particularly moving and genuinely excellent performance of a piece when he was seen to glance at his watch, then conducted the final section at a comically fast pace. When challenged afterwards he said that it was coming up to closing time and he though the audience would appreciate enough time to get a drink before stop tap, and his musicians would most definitely need a drink

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[drmwc]

I went to the zoo recently. It was rubbish; it only had one animal.

It was a Shih Tzu.

 

[RobinGriffiths]

I burned my Hawaiian pizza the other night... Should've put the oven on aloha setting

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Brains]

Well it made me smile

 

[Mrs Trellis]

It's a little known fact that Richard Gere's dad, Gottler, was a famous ventriloquist.

 

[legendrider]

Every person brings happiness to the world.

Some when they enter it, others when they leave it.

 

[Tricky Dicky]

"Help!" I shouted as I ran into the doctor's surgery, "my mate's got a Quality Street chocolate stuck in his windpipe!"
"The purple one?" asked the doctor
"Yeah that's him" I replied.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

It's a little known fact that Richard Gere's dad, Gottler, was a famous ventriloquist.

And the dad of ex England footballer Danny Wellbeck, Stan, was a bomb disposal expert.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[tony from suffolk]

My brother-in-law went to Wales last summer for hol's and took the train up Snowdon. Unfortunately he had to get off half way up 'cos he had an off-peak ticket.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I asked for a tattoo of that bloke from the Jam.................it doesn't really look like Paul Weller

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

90% of the things I worry about never happen.
This proves worrying works.

 

[Mrs Trellis]