Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[andys]

Thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band in Switzerland. Then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

 

[ChrisB]

she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band in Switzerland

That's a coincidence. Mine wanted to see an Ultravox tribute band in Austria. She did tell me the name of the city but it meant nothing to me.

 

[hyweldavies]

View attachment 24964

Brings to mind Shakespeare's famous stage direction from the Winter's Tale

"exit pursued by bear"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[ZombieCake]

Was reading a biography of Freddie Mercury and there was a bit where it talks about the time he stayed in Germany in the early 70s.
Whilst there he decided to make a trip to the local supermarket and made a list as to what he needed to buy. He wanted to buy ice cream reduced in price, two light chocolate desserts and some tinned fruit.
As he looked at the list, he started humming to himself and sang the following.....
'I see a Lidl Vienetta offer, man.
Grab a mousse, grab a mousse.
Will you chew the canned mango?'

 

[tony from suffolk]

If you get into a pillow fight with Death, don’t be surprised by the Reaper Cushions…

 

[tony from suffolk]

Life Hack #158
I've found that if you tuck one part of your trouser leg into your sock, people expect less of you.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Maj]

Police are looking for a man in connection to an assault with a starting pistol and baton.
The police believe it may be race related.

 

[Maj]

Police are looking for a man in connection to an assault with a starting pistol and baton.
The police believe it may be race related.

The police are also looking for a second person in connection to the assault who was spotted running through the police cordon tape shouting "YES" with arms raised.

 

[tony from suffolk]

Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go to bed with them; they said it would be just like winning the lottery!

I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

 

[ZombieCake]

I just got diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

It's called Feefiphobia

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

I've been researching my family history and discovered my dad was a mime artist.

He kept that quiet.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[oldfart]

While riding my motorcycle I swerved to avoid hitting a deer and lost control, landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new car pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, “Are you okay?”
As I looked up I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for.
“I’m okay, I think,” I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
“That’s nice of you,” I answered. “But I don’t think my wife will like me doing that.”
“Oh, come now, I’m a nurse,” she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.”
Well she was pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed but repeated, “I’m sure my wife won’t like this.”
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away, and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I’d better go now.”
“Don’t be silly,” she said with a smile, “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“Still in the ditch with the motorcycle, I suppose.”

 

[Mrs Trellis]