Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

The neighbour from hell came banging on my front door at 3am in the morning complaining, 3am!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Luckily I was already up playing the bagpipes.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[ZombieCake]

Chuck Norris told his wife that she was wrong.
It was said that it was impossible for Chuck Norris to die. So Chuck did the impossible.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

"What is your view on celibacy?"

"I thought her vocal performance on the Goldfinger theme song was outstanding."

 

[tony from suffolk]

Today, my car's clock is correct again. My patience has finally paid off!

 

[shotlighter]

Today, my car's clock is correct again. My patience has finally paid off!

Mine will be wrong again untill October.

 

[wormster]

Mine will be wrong again untill October.

Mine too

 

[tony from suffolk]

I can't get a landscape gardener to do my garden because it's too long. Does anyone know any portrait gardeners?

 

[cavingbiker]

I can't get a landscape gardener to do my garden because it's too long. Does anyone know any portrait gardeners?

Can't you find a landscape gardener to do it on the side?

 

[tony from suffolk]

Went to the Doctors yesterday and told him I was getting short of breath when I went up a steep hill. He said I should expect that at my time of life. I said, ‘What, in a car?’

 

[tony from suffolk]

Last night some low life loser wrote “Creepy Weirdo” on my car windscreen.

It took me ages to lick it off…

 

[ZombieCake]

The urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is really only a whim away.

 

[tony from suffolk]

My optometrist thinks my eyes will probably improve. Unfortunately, my pessometrist thinks they'll get worse.

 

[shotlighter]

The urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is really only a whim away.

A whim away?

 

[Oceanrower]

A whim away?

Meaning of​

whim
noun [ C ]

UK

/wɪm/ US

/wɪm/

Add to word list
C2
a sudden wish or idea, especially one that cannot be reasonably explained:
We booked the trip on a whim.
You can add what you want to this mixture - brandy, whisky, or nothing at all - as the whim takes you.
Oh for a husband who would indulge my every whim!

 

[Brains]

Whim in mining parlance

Whim (mining) - Wikipedia

share.google

As an alternative... How many lions sleep down a mineshaft?

 

[andys]

Whim in mining parlance

Whim (mining) - Wikipedia

share.google

As an alternative... How many lions sleep down a mineshaft?

Not sure I can fathom that one out.

 

[MikeBr]

Wimoweh