Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

Mrs Trellis

Well-known member
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Mrs Trellis

Well-known member
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law...
She lives alone at Flat 48 Station Road on the 3rd floor and she has just won the lottery. The keys are under door mat!
 

Mrs Trellis

Well-known member
Three men book into a busy ski lodge so they have to share a bed.
Man on the right wakes up and says, "I had this vivid dream of getting a hand job."
Man on the left wakes and says, "I had the same dream."
Man in the middle wakes and says, "That's funny. I dreamt I was skiing!"
 

Brains

Well-known member
What do you get if you cross an angry cow 🐄 and an angry sheep 🐑 ?????
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You get an animal that's
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In a baaaaaaad mooooooood 😳😃🤣
 

tony from suffolk

Well-known member
A father passing by his son's bedroom, noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Josh.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home…
 
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