Oceanrower
Active member
I don’t get it…
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
You omitted monopedal jokes as well.
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
I've discovered that one of my ancestors was a suffragette. Great Uncle Frank would do anything to avoid fighting in the Great War.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
A 12 year old boy goes into the confession box and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned"...
The priest replies angrily, "You better not be cheating on me, you little bastard!"
The priest replies angrily, "You better not be cheating on me, you little bastard!"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
The new Apple Watch has satellite calling so that if you are injured and trapped somewhere with no signal you can still be offered an unbeatable deal on double glazing.
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
My wife just compared me to George Clooney.
She said “You're nothing like George Clooney!”
She said “You're nothing like George Clooney!”
tony from suffolk
Well-known member
I nearly got myself out of a speeding ticket by telling the policewoman she looked absolutely bloody stunning. Then I fucked up by telling her “…and it's not the drink talking”
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
A little boy was walking on the road eating a chocolate.
A man came over and said, "Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health."
The boy replied, "Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old."
"By eating chocolates?" the man asked.
"No, by minding his own business!"
A man came over and said, "Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health."
The boy replied, "Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old."
"By eating chocolates?" the man asked.
"No, by minding his own business!"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I hate hotel bath towels…
They're so thick and fluffy that I can't even close my suitcase!
They're so thick and fluffy that I can't even close my suitcase!
Elaine
Active member
Like this one?.....
I used to be engaged to a man with one leg. Until I broke it off.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I took my old stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow…
They told me it wouldn't fetch much!
They told me it wouldn't fetch much!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Walking past a pet shop, a sign said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’
I didn’t believe it so I went into the shop and asked the assistant...
‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’.
I didn’t believe it so I went into the shop and asked the assistant...
‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night…
I'm in hospital now, waiting to be seen!
I'm in hospital now, waiting to be seen!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
As you will no longer receive a letter from the Queen when you turn 100, it has been confirmed you'll receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 13!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
"I bet you haven't been in such a crowded room since Father's Day"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
This sounds exciting.........
