Being a small, simple idiot, I really do now believe some apparantly well manered, perfectly inoccuous psycopaths deliberately, and with aforethought. encourage me 'for their own entertainment' to join them on "a jolly bimble"; a little flat ,a bit of mud.( we laff at mud in the peak 
) then walking passage, a bit like ya hallway!
Then; Wonders indescribable.unrivalled in the realm!( or as it came to be a principality.)
STOP! I got ahead of myself.
Trip report; Jugholes B'stard Big Bro!
trip organiser Steve Foley
also in the party sic'
Clive Bennet, Gladys, The mighty Zomjon, all of Cave and Crag (Birmingham.)
my small self and our esteemed master of the key, and facilitator of direction.
Clues;
Departed Matlock bath@ 06.30 HRs'
Kit on and set off @10.50HRs'
Out of 'experience'@21.15
Car park and changing@22.15
Return Matlock bath @ 02.42
Vehicular Dist' 342.6 Miles
Trip dist' Hell and back, via caving heaven!
Destination...The Otter hole of mud an' stuff.
Grade; 'stupid' Owd Gits limit of giggle-ability,
Warning!! may drift into burbling descripions of sediments!
Report;
We gathered kitted-up and met our key/ cave custodian, an unassuming cheery Bloke slim as a whippet, and keen as mustard (or any table relish I suppose)
We,on back-tracking from a long way down an enchanting path, made the first of many happy discoveries of 'the way on'.
Key. Lock! pips! "shit this is gonna be easy-Bo!"
Oh! how the mighty, and the small idiot and a variety of 'Cave and Craggers' could so easily have just gone for a beer. and sung ABBA songs, Hey-Ho,
But No! we band of brothers, we few were bound for greater things, and some mud.
Pretty flat out for a starter.Bloody flat -out in reality.plopped down a'cosy'squeeze(will need that word a few more times , you wait! ).then .bless me a spiral of more squeezes and goodness knows what.an awkward sort of inverted T to screw an old spine,"Hmm lovely."Splutt drop down a F'*ing squeeze to glorious sediments,rich creamy unctious all-encompassing sediments,
Slippy rock / boulder after slippy sediment encrusted rock/ boulder for as far as the eye could see.Care to not offering cave rescue a day out formost in my addled swede.
We have the odd boulder choke in Derbys' so I wasn't daunted by the next 'bit'
up an' down like a fiddlers elbow, This way? wot? where?enriched by the smidgen of sediment we fetched with us. and the 'kin mud already there.At least we were mostly erect for the first time in the cave.Many happy discoveries some being 'the way on along our ruckkling.
The sump was upon us with some good fortune, and our custodian had by now repeatedly helped us explore so much more than 'the way on' we were honestly greatful for a fuller experience of a fantastical wonder of sediment deposition.
The sump was damp to the mid-chest area (with my disproportioned legs.)
A greasy pole couldn't have been more slippery than the boulders and wiggling to follow. then mercifully a fixed wee ladder. :bow:
more route finding and squeezes if I recall in the right order, oooh sediment in the most unexpected places. a traverse of biblical proportion to a small fool with a dressing of sediment.I really thinka Bullet would be kinder than rescue from here, and provide sustinance for the non-veggies I was with.
Somewhere soon,or possibly back a bit a washing station I was shocked
I seemed to be with a reet bunch of 'scrubbers'
they ate they drank they preened thereselves.
Ha! not for the entrepid veggie. I stood tall a dwarf among men no softie refreshment needed as I had cunningly eaten the evening before in readiness.
Clive played 'Pooh Gloves' under a boulder as there was no cute wee wooden bridge.
After wash-down there was more crawling thruching and sediment. Then;
The most beautiful awe inspiring taped-off areas of cave I have been privaliged to cast my humble eyes on.
and some formations. I shit you not, there wer lots.
I do seriously hope Clive And Steve will allow you a sample of there next few hours work.
Zommer Glad myself and t' lad strode galliantly onwards.
An evil a malevolance of satanic disposition had gripped the way on the blackness as is usually reserved only for 'Priests socks', Blacker than black,Stall you should shun and send back to Hades.More climbing squeezes and up to another wash-point. a plastic 'hot-tub-ish freezing shower to scrub away our worries.
this was reported as half way,
more exploring and more found,then 'the way on'.
We checked the time.we were slow but too early for the tide.
Onwards Wow.com!!!OHHH! :-[
Noooooooooooooooo!
In my preparation and to give sustinance to my aged temple /body last night I prep'-ed a home-made spicy pickled onion on home-made whole wheat bread sandwich.
Now; whilst I love her dearly I could have tutted at the love of my life, Hot Hot sauce with extra chillies in the buttie I was preparing with love and a chuckle of contentment, Now I like spice so carried on and enjoyed the warmth of a yummy buttie.
Here Now the upshot of that decision was 'pressing' to say the least...
Very Pressing...
Nearly a medical level of Pressing... :-[ :-[ :-[
After an action I am not proud of but would have been told by others if i hadn't alluded to it. I moved on swiftly gracefully and one dress size smaller.
the final wonders again Isimply can't say just how good this trip is!! an underground titty bar the fallen angel so many newly named formations, unfortunately the cameras were back at the hall of thirty.
Weariness was now obvious in our part of the party.Despite loosing 'ballast'.
'The way back' was nearly as hard to distinguish as 'the way on' had been.I shall cut short to reachng the others back at 'The hall'
we checked time and moved slowly back.
Obsticals coming were now OBSTICALS on 'the way back'.
even I was running short of banter and Sweet hits from 'the seventees.
Upperty downey and befuddling mud covered boulders persisted.
As did we few!
on and on etc'.
The squeezes down were slippery, the clambering up also. the potential for a careless move dictated my speed,we were all rallying at climbs and drops to raise moral, and a short legged twonk on more than one occasion.Cheers Steve and anyone else i clamberd up.
I cheated at the 2nd traverse and fond a bob down just before.
we gleefully had a new 'sediment coating.
Blah Blah
Sump.....
Too early,Pooh!
we waited a bit.Someone took a rush of blood and attenpted the eyehole.
I don't swim, Clive doesn't so it wasn't us.
OOOOw No No No!! :-\
We 'all!' waited a while longer for the tide.
From here back was a mule.mud/ squeeze slot drop thruch wiggle push All of these.
the last point we could have a problem wth direction ... We did. :-\
weary and less than clean we fought our way.the last twenty M. or so was epic.I had nearly spent all the pickle butty,
Bosh, out!
As dusk fell on the Wye valley the males gathered at the washing spot in the woods to once more scrub each other down, tired and on my part well thirsty, surly it must be Beer o/clock?
Onwards only the energy to wind round the wooden steps rather than lift my wee pins a little higher I managed to win higher ground. the car-parc and change in mercurial time to get the imperious zomjon and myself to t' pub tuit-suit!
The rest, as they say , is history.
Thanks Boys a truly great trip.
Owd Git
) then walking passage, a bit like ya hallway! Then; Wonders indescribable.unrivalled in the realm!( or as it came to be a principality.)
STOP! I got ahead of myself.
Trip report; Jugholes B'stard Big Bro!
trip organiser Steve Foley
also in the party sic'
Clive Bennet, Gladys, The mighty Zomjon, all of Cave and Crag (Birmingham.)
my small self and our esteemed master of the key, and facilitator of direction.
Clues;
Departed Matlock bath@ 06.30 HRs'
Kit on and set off @10.50HRs'
Out of 'experience'@21.15
Car park and changing@22.15
Return Matlock bath @ 02.42
Vehicular Dist' 342.6 Miles
Trip dist' Hell and back, via caving heaven!
Destination...The Otter hole of mud an' stuff.
Grade; 'stupid' Owd Gits limit of giggle-ability,
Warning!! may drift into burbling descripions of sediments!
Report;
We gathered kitted-up and met our key/ cave custodian, an unassuming cheery Bloke slim as a whippet, and keen as mustard (or any table relish I suppose)
We,on back-tracking from a long way down an enchanting path, made the first of many happy discoveries of 'the way on'.
Key. Lock! pips! "shit this is gonna be easy-Bo!"
Oh! how the mighty, and the small idiot and a variety of 'Cave and Craggers' could so easily have just gone for a beer. and sung ABBA songs, Hey-Ho,
But No! we band of brothers, we few were bound for greater things, and some mud.
Pretty flat out for a starter.Bloody flat -out in reality.plopped down a'cosy'squeeze(will need that word a few more times , you wait!
).then .bless me a spiral of more squeezes and goodness knows what.an awkward sort of inverted T to screw an old spine,"Hmm lovely."Splutt drop down a F'*ing squeeze to glorious sediments,rich creamy unctious all-encompassing sediments,Slippy rock / boulder after slippy sediment encrusted rock/ boulder for as far as the eye could see.Care to not offering cave rescue a day out formost in my addled swede.
We have the odd boulder choke in Derbys' so I wasn't daunted by the next 'bit'
up an' down like a fiddlers elbow, This way? wot? where?enriched by the smidgen of sediment we fetched with us. and the 'kin mud already there.At least we were mostly erect for the first time in the cave.Many happy discoveries some being 'the way on along our ruckkling.
The sump was upon us with some good fortune, and our custodian had by now repeatedly helped us explore so much more than 'the way on' we were honestly greatful for a fuller experience of a fantastical wonder of sediment deposition.
The sump was damp to the mid-chest area (with my disproportioned legs.)
A greasy pole couldn't have been more slippery than the boulders and wiggling to follow. then mercifully a fixed wee ladder. :bow:
more route finding and squeezes if I recall in the right order, oooh sediment in the most unexpected places. a traverse of biblical proportion to a small fool with a dressing of sediment.I really thinka Bullet would be kinder than rescue from here, and provide sustinance for the non-veggies I was with.
Somewhere soon,or possibly back a bit a washing station I was shocked
I seemed to be with a reet bunch of 'scrubbers'
they ate they drank they preened thereselves.
Ha! not for the entrepid veggie. I stood tall a dwarf among men no softie refreshment needed as I had cunningly eaten the evening before in readiness.
Clive played 'Pooh Gloves' under a boulder as there was no cute wee wooden bridge.
After wash-down there was more crawling thruching and sediment. Then;
The most beautiful awe inspiring taped-off areas of cave I have been privaliged to cast my humble eyes on.
and some formations. I shit you not, there wer lots.
I do seriously hope Clive And Steve will allow you a sample of there next few hours work.
Zommer Glad myself and t' lad strode galliantly onwards.
An evil a malevolance of satanic disposition had gripped the way on the blackness as is usually reserved only for 'Priests socks', Blacker than black,Stall you should shun and send back to Hades.More climbing squeezes and up to another wash-point. a plastic 'hot-tub-ish freezing shower to scrub away our worries.
this was reported as half way,
more exploring and more found,then 'the way on'.
We checked the time.we were slow but too early for the tide.
Onwards Wow.com!!!OHHH! :-[
Noooooooooooooooo!
In my preparation and to give sustinance to my aged temple /body last night I prep'-ed a home-made spicy pickled onion on home-made whole wheat bread sandwich.
Now; whilst I love her dearly I could have tutted at the love of my life, Hot Hot sauce with extra chillies in the buttie I was preparing with love and a chuckle of contentment, Now I like spice so carried on and enjoyed the warmth of a yummy buttie.
Here Now the upshot of that decision was 'pressing' to say the least...
Very Pressing...
Nearly a medical level of Pressing... :-[ :-[ :-[
After an action I am not proud of but would have been told by others if i hadn't alluded to it. I moved on swiftly gracefully and one dress size smaller.
the final wonders again Isimply can't say just how good this trip is!! an underground titty bar the fallen angel so many newly named formations, unfortunately the cameras were back at the hall of thirty.
Weariness was now obvious in our part of the party.Despite loosing 'ballast'.
'The way back' was nearly as hard to distinguish as 'the way on' had been.I shall cut short to reachng the others back at 'The hall'
we checked time and moved slowly back.
Obsticals coming were now OBSTICALS on 'the way back'.
even I was running short of banter and Sweet hits from 'the seventees.
Upperty downey and befuddling mud covered boulders persisted.
As did we few!
on and on etc'.
The squeezes down were slippery, the clambering up also. the potential for a careless move dictated my speed,we were all rallying at climbs and drops to raise moral, and a short legged twonk on more than one occasion.Cheers Steve and anyone else i clamberd up.
I cheated at the 2nd traverse and fond a bob down just before.
we gleefully had a new 'sediment coating.
Blah Blah
Sump.....
Too early,Pooh!
we waited a bit.Someone took a rush of blood and attenpted the eyehole.
I don't swim, Clive doesn't so it wasn't us.
OOOOw No No No!!
:-\We 'all!' waited a while longer for the tide.
From here back was a mule.mud/ squeeze slot drop thruch wiggle push All of these.
the last point we could have a problem wth direction ... We did. :-\
weary and less than clean we fought our way.the last twenty M. or so was epic.I had nearly spent all the pickle butty,
Bosh, out!
As dusk fell on the Wye valley the males gathered at the washing spot in the woods to once more scrub each other down, tired and on my part well thirsty, surly it must be Beer o/clock?
Onwards only the energy to wind round the wooden steps rather than lift my wee pins a little higher I managed to win higher ground. the car-parc and change in mercurial time to get the imperious zomjon and myself to t' pub tuit-suit!
The rest, as they say , is history.
Thanks Boys a truly great trip.
Owd Git
