Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing. (Read 1239426 times)

Wolfart · « **Reply #25 on:** November 01, 2005, 07:08:18 pm »

The wife wanted a Bidet for her birthday and said she would like a new shower unit installed as the old one was outdated.decided to fit shower unit and told her to stand on her head in it (visual joke) :twisted:

Billy Butcombe · « **Reply #26 on:** November 02, 2005, 12:11:12 pm »

Q - Whats the difference between Tony Bliar and the Crazey Frog?

A - One is an annoying sh*t - the other is a ringtone !

wallop · « **Reply #27 on:** November 07, 2005, 03:27:59 pm »

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from
the tunnelÃ‚Â the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red
mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the
dark andÃ‚Â she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me
inÃ‚Â the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the
dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

the Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so
I canÃ‚Â slap that French tw*t again"

wallop · « **Reply #28 on:** November 07, 2005, 03:32:03 pm »

A man goes to a zoo,

but when he arrives there,

there's only a dog...

it was a shitzu

:wink: :wink:

AndyF · « **Reply #29 on:** November 07, 2005, 05:24:36 pm »

Quote from: "wallop"

4 people in the carriage of a train....

That was quality.....:D

Mr Fell · « **Reply #30 on:** November 07, 2005, 06:20:13 pm »

Yes a good one that ! Liked the zoo one to !

Brendan · « **Reply #31 on:** November 10, 2005, 03:27:33 pm »

whats green and eats nuts

Syphilis

Brendan · « **Reply #32 on:** November 10, 2005, 03:28:49 pm »

whats blue and f$%ks old women?

Hypothermia
Aha - you thought it was the same one as before!

Mr Fell · « **Reply #33 on:** November 10, 2005, 05:54:57 pm »

Q. What has a hundred balls and f***s ducks.

A.A shotgun. :P

Billy Butcombe · « **Reply #34 on:** November 11, 2005, 10:37:22 am »

After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
on Fox TV News, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in
his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of
coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides
had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve
it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute, MI-6
cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

:wink:

Slug · « **Reply #35 on:** November 11, 2005, 04:02:38 pm »

They sat that for every Cat Lover, there's at least One, possably Two Cat haters..........with this in mind......Log on to this If You dare,,,,,,and are NOT easily offended.....

Sick Bastards Only!!!!!!!

www.richsalter.btinternet.co.uk/cks2/.index.html

Dont Say You Wer'nt warned

graham · « **Reply #36 on:** November 11, 2005, 05:57:26 pm »

Subject: Blunkett's Resignation
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > David Blunkett has released the following statement:
> >
> > .. . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . ... .... . . .
> > ... .
> > . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . .. . . .. . .... ...
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> > ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . ..... . ........ .. .... . .......
> > ...... .. . .... ... ....... .... .. ... ... ... . ... . . . . ........
> > . .
> > . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... .. ... .... .. ... .. ... .. . ... ..
> > .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . .. .. . . . . ..... . . . . .
> > .
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> > .
> > .... . ..... . ... .... ... . . .... ....... . ...... .. ... . . ......
> > ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . ..... . ........ .. .... . .......
> > ...... .. . .... ... ....... .... .. ... ... ... . ... . . . . ........
> > . .
> > . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... .. ... .... .. ... .. ... .. . ... ..
> > .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . .. .. . . . . ..... . . . . .
> > .
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> > ..... .
> > .
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Mr Fell · « **Reply #37 on:** November 11, 2005, 06:53:20 pm »

Sick Bastards Only!!!!!!!

Gave me paws for thought that one

Slug · « **Reply #38 on:** November 11, 2005, 06:57:43 pm »

Oh yes Mr.F,,,,but how many did You get?

Mr Fell · « **Reply #39 on:** November 12, 2005, 07:59:28 am »

10 out of 10 - but it tells everybody that! :shock:

wallop · « **Reply #40 on:** November 17, 2005, 08:36:44 am »

While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than
I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the
other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.

The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and, with that
classic, patronising smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The policeman was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work
side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do
you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind
a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: Ã‚Â£105.00

Court costs: Ã‚Â£45

Look on copper's face: Priceless.... Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£

graham · « **Reply #41 on:** November 17, 2005, 10:18:34 am »

IKEA are now selling their new range of easy to assemble LESBIAN BEDS Ã¢â‚¬â€œ There's no screwing involved, just tongue in groove

wallop · « **Reply #42 on:** November 17, 2005, 10:40:24 am »

HAHAHA VERY GOOD.

wallop · « **Reply #43 on:** November 17, 2005, 10:48:06 am »

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night".

So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.

So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Brendan · « **Reply #44 on:** November 18, 2005, 10:03:40 am »

What do you call a Smartie with an erection?

A drawing pin

andymorgan · « **Reply #45 on:** November 18, 2005, 12:57:54 pm »

What's pink and hard?

The Financial Times crossword

Slug · « **Reply #46 on:** November 18, 2005, 02:23:33 pm »

What does a Polish man give his bride on Her wedding day thats both Long and Hard.

His Surname

andymorgan · « **Reply #47 on:** November 18, 2005, 02:41:09 pm »

What do you call a woman who eats lots of beans?

Gail

Mr Fell · « **Reply #48 on:** November 19, 2005, 08:12:55 am »

Q. Whats long and thin, covered in skin. Red in parts and shoved in tarts?

A. Rhubarb !!

Brains · « **Reply #49 on:** November 19, 2005, 03:58:36 pm »

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish?"

Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other, "You drive, I will sort the gunnery"

Two fish swimming around and bump into a wall, "Damn!!"

Sorry! :oops:

Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing. (Read 1239426 times)

wallop

wallop

wallop

wallop

wallop

andymorgan

andymorgan