Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1209221 times)

Offline ALEXW

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6425 on: July 10, 2019, 11:41:07 am »
Choux need to do something about the quality of these jokes.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6426 on: July 11, 2019, 08:21:11 am »
"I was told my granddad served on a mimesweeper during the war."
"Shouldn't that be minesweeper?"
"I don't know - he'd never talk about it".
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Cave_Troll

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6427 on: July 11, 2019, 08:52:48 am »
Maybe he was checking emails ?

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6428 on: July 12, 2019, 09:43:47 am »
My telly's blown up. I can't afford a real one.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6429 on: July 12, 2019, 11:21:48 am »
I came out of Sainsbury's this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £20.

I don't usually do that kind of thing, but I'd just found £2000 in the car park.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6430 on: July 14, 2019, 02:59:37 pm »
The surgeon said to me, "Do you have a dog?" I said, "Yes, why?"

He said, "If I can't save your leg, do you want me to keep the bone for him?"
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6431 on: July 17, 2019, 07:55:36 am »
Essex girl notices one shoe has an ‘L’ on it and the other says ‘R’
“Whyzat then?” she asks her boyfriend
“Dunno, maybe the same reason your knickers say C & A?”
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Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6432 on: July 17, 2019, 08:21:07 am »
Essex girl notices one shoe has an ‘L’ on it and the other says ‘R’
“Whyzat then?” she asks her boyfriend
“Dunno, maybe the same reason your knickers say C & A?”

Ah! The old ones are the best. I first heard that one when I was at school in about 1968! But keep 'em coming Tony!
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Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6433 on: July 18, 2019, 07:34:32 pm »
I tried to give blood today but was just put off by how many questions they ask.

Like "who's blood is this?" And "how did you get it?"
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6434 on: July 19, 2019, 08:41:49 am »
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6435 on: July 19, 2019, 10:17:52 am »
A Russian couple have just opened a new coffee shop in the high street.

They called it Tsarbucks..
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Offline gardouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6436 on: July 19, 2019, 01:56:57 pm »
Did you know that if you hold your ear up to a strangers leg you can actually hear them say "what the f**k are you doing?"
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Online rhychydwr1

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6437 on: July 20, 2019, 02:39:39 pm »
A man rings 999 in panic and says, " My wife is nine months pregnant and has stared screaming.  She's ranting about Jews!"  The operator replies "Don't worry, she's gone into Labour.

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6438 on: Today at 02:59:18 am »
Anyone know any jokes about monorails?
I'm looking for a one liner.
MNRC