• The Derbyshire Caver, No. 158

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Wedding Speech

gus horsley

gus horsley

New member
This is getting a bit desperate.  I've got to give a Father of the Bride speech and I'm useless at that sort of thing, so I'm asking anyone who's done (or not done) it before to give me some advice.  There are a few parameters:

1.  I can't stand the groom.
2.  I can't stand the future in-laws.
3.  I want to be diplomatic.
4.  It's this Sunday.

All suggestions gratefully received.
 
cap n chris

cap n chris

Well-known member
Talk about yourself for half and hour and when you finish they'll applaud with relief.

Works for me every time.
 
caving_fox

caving_fox

Active member
Fortunetly I've not had to say anything, but I've atteneded a number of weddings in recent years.

As father of the bride, you can safely ignore the groom and the in-laws (at least as far as speaches go) and just comment on how radient the bride looks today, how wonderful they were as a baby, how you can't believe how quickly she's all grown up now, and how different she looks to when you took her caving and she came out looking like a ... (choose carefully) humerous/embaressing pictures welcome. Don't get her name mixed up with her twin sister /MiL!

Keep it to less than 10 mins and remember who it is you are supposed to be toasting.
 
SamT

SamT

Moderator
yer - lift a few gags from the internet. talk lovingly about your daughter for a bit. tip a nod to the new son in law briefly, raise a glass.

then off to the bar asap and get hammered, start a fight.

always makes a memorable event for everyone.  :LOL:
 
M

MSD

Guest
I reckon it's best to just take a deep breath, tell young Nigel/Steve/whatever his name is "welcome aboard" even if you can't stand the sight of him. Unfortunately your daughter will have just married him (assuming proceedings reach this point) and even if she's just done what you consider to be the most stupid thing in her life you don't want to embarass her. Then duty done you can get safely razzed up without the rest of your family giving you an ear bending.

Mark
 
S

Sid Weighells Dog

Member
Kick off by saying that the received wisdom is not to speak in public for longer than you can make love in private, then either (a) propose the toast because you're already over-running, or (b) reassure guests that the next three hours will just fly by
 
martinb

martinb

Member
gus horsley said:
This is getting a bit desperate.  I've got to give a Father of the Bride speech and I'm useless at that sort of thing, so I'm asking anyone who's done (or not done) it before to give me some advice.  There are a few parameters:

1.  I can't stand the groom.
2.  I can't stand the future in-laws.
3.  I want to be diplomatic.
4.  It's this Sunday.

All suggestions gratefully received.
Click to expand...

One assumes the little so and so asked you for your daughters hand in marriage?

If you don't like the rest of his family, why did you say yes?

Otherwise follow suggestions by caving_fox and SamT.

Say a little, drink a lot, although be careful not to say anything to the inlaws when very drunk!  :beer:
 
Glenn

Glenn

Member
"I've got to give a Father of the Bride speech"

Is it the one that could chimney up the door frame?

Where does the time go....

Congrats (and good luck....)

Glenn
 
W

wormster

Guest
ROFPMSL

I'd forgotten just how funny wedding speaches could be.

Rowan Atkinson at his best.
 
gus horsley

gus horsley

New member
Glenn said:
"I've got to give a Father of the Bride speech"

Is it the one that could chimney up the door frame?

Where does the time go....

Congrats (and good luck....)

Glenn
Click to expand...

That was Abigail, she hasn't got hitched yet (middle daughter got married 7 years ago).  Like you say Glenn, where does the time go...

The one who's getting married is stepdaughter and no, the groom didn't ask me for her hand in marriage.  At least he had enough sense not to do that ( I suspect he knew what the outcome would be).

Thanks for all your suggestions.  I'm going to have to just bite the bullet, spout a whole heap of s**t and maybe take up Sam's suggestion of having a fight (with the new in-laws) - now that's a tempting prospect.

And there's absolutely no chance that the future son-in-law will be reading this - he hasn't done anything even remotely strenuous in his entire life so far and thinks that people who do things like caving are uncouth - really.
 
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