Everyone laughed when I said that I wanted to become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I’m reading a novel about an immortal dog. I can’t put it down.

Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake. I thought to myself, "The streets seem strangely desserted."

Three months ago I had a neck brace fitted. I've not looked back since.

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Sat watching Blue Peter with my mates the other day, when I thought; shouldn't one of us try to resuscitate him?

My half brother and I aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws any more.

The man who invented the speed boat has died. His funeral is next Friday, 10am followed by a wake.

Today I looked up an old girlfriend from school. That’s the one great thing about being a gynaecologist.

I called my local Sealife Centre today. They told me my call may be used for training porpoises.

I got into a fight with a bloke who had a sword. He cut my arms, legs and torso off... So I quit whilst I was a head.

My friends dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: "What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!"

I nearly got knocked off my bike by a council salt lorry tonight. "You idiot!" I shouted, through gritted teeth.

Anyone wanting to join my Christmas choir? So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.

It would be considerably beneficial to keep CNCC initialism and I like both of the suggestions that do that. Rebranding without changing the initialism would be quick and simple (and can be done over a longer timeframe).