I've used Shoe Goo for sticking the soles back on my Muddies wellingtons, which it's done very successfully. Sticks solidly and immovably.

Exciting stuff! (y)

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering. The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”...

Ian ran the excellent mining museum in Keswick, but once his wife died he lost heart & finally retired. A great shame, he was a top source of information on mining in the Lake District and wrote many excellent books on the subject.

A true story - Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’...

They have signs in hospital car parks which say, "Thieves Operate Here" Personally, I'd feel a lot safer with a surgeon.

My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?" I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."

You know you're old if you remember when fame was a byproduct of talent.

I think I've hit the Jackpot at the local boot fair. l've bought an old coffee table for 10 quid & I'm sure it was made by Van Gogh. I know this because there's a bit of vaneer missing.

Some of the old favourite singers and bands have re-released their greatest hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate their ageing audience. Some examples: Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker” The Rolling Stones: “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” Credence Clearwater...

I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like that don’t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

I have found marriage to be very educational. For instance, I had no idea there was a wrong way to put milk in the fridge.

Very sad. He always came across as a very normal, nice man, and he'll be very much missed by millions.

The next time you dislike your life remember, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who has the time to read two books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, and has lots of people wanting to have sex with him. And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.