Interesting, Jim. Likewise, I've never been molested by ticks. Aside, the recent hot weather has spawned squadrons of mosquitoes which have descended on my wife as a veritable all-you-can-eat mozzie buffet, yet they don't seem to find me very appetising. There could be a genetic component, or...

'Doctor, could you take a look at my penis?" [Doctor thoroughly examines said organ] 'Well, I'm pleased to tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with it' 'Yes, I know. Its a beauty, isn't it?'

Without Hope or Expectation I offer the following: In my early days of u/g exploration, my mentor, Paul The Mad Butcher, recalled a time he and a buddy were ice-climbing in Scotland. While taking a brief rest, Paul's mate produced two Mars Bars which were unexpectedly not frozen solid. "Where...

Anzac biscuits (flapjack family) make an excellent u/g snack. Homemade ones are by far the best (especially the ones Aussie Steve makes). Google the recipe, they're simple to make, but go easy on the bicarb. I recently saw some factory-built ones in the Co-Op which were dipped in chocolate...

A mate of mine was in therapy to deal with his sex addiction. Unfortunately, he relapsed after experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

I've also got a Scooby-Doo joke. Actually its more of a Shaggy Dog story.

A local farmer has set up CCTV in his wheat fields to try and catch crop-circlers in the act. Nothing much so far, just a few grainy images.

Donald Trump had an arse-hole transplant. The arse-hole rejected him

Cinderella is sitting at home, missing the Ball, when Fairy Godmother appears. With a wave of her wand she exclaims "You shall go to the Ball, but remember to leave by midnight or your fanny will turn into a pumpkin!" So Cinders goes to the Ball, and meets a handsome prince with whom she...

Stuck on 4 Down. Natural hole in the Earth. Begins with 'C'. any ideas, guys?

Gottit! YMCA by Village People! OK, my turn...

3 'Hill's - how appropriate :D

Ever wonder how they get the PTFE non-stick coating to stick to the pan? They cook scrambled egg on it first.

Masochist: "Beat me, BEAT me!" Sadist: "No"

Its a game of give-&-take really. Great exercise for those of us who shun sport, off-the-scale for mental wellbeing, murder on the knees and elbows. Still on all-original manufacturers bodywork after 60 years, so will keep you posted!