Stu
Active member
Customer: Worcester sauce crisps please.
Shopkeeper: Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, Cancer scare.
Customer: Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?
Shopkeeper: Ah that's the same , Cancer scare
Customer: Hamburger Relish?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Sausage and Mash?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Cottage Pie?
Shopkeeper: Yes, ...no wait, Cancer scare.
Customer: So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer
scare?
Shopkeeper: Yes
Customer: (sigh) Just give me a packet of fags then.
Shopkeeper: Certainly. £4.50 please.
Customer: Thanks
>>>
>
>
>> 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
>> he was God and I didn't.
>>
>> 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>>
>> 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>>
>> 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>>
>> 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>>
>> 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
>>
>> 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me and me
> and me.
>>
>> 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>>
>> 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
>>
>> 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
>>
>> 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>>
>> 12. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy
>> why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
>>
>> 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
>>
>> 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>>
>> 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
>>
>> 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>>
>> 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>>
>> 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
> up.
>>
>> 19.. Procrastinate Now!
>>
>> 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
>>
>> 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>>
>> 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>>
>> 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
>>
>> 24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
>>
>> 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
>>
>> 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
> thousand times the memory.
>>
>> 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
>> for a pig.
>>
>> 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>>
>> 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
Shopkeeper: Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, Cancer scare.
Customer: Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?
Shopkeeper: Ah that's the same , Cancer scare
Customer: Hamburger Relish?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Sausage and Mash?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Cottage Pie?
Shopkeeper: Yes, ...no wait, Cancer scare.
Customer: So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer
scare?
Shopkeeper: Yes
Customer: (sigh) Just give me a packet of fags then.
Shopkeeper: Certainly. £4.50 please.
Customer: Thanks
>>>
>
>
>> 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
>> he was God and I didn't.
>>
>> 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>>
>> 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>>
>> 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>>
>> 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>>
>> 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
>>
>> 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me and me
> and me.
>>
>> 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>>
>> 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
>>
>> 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
>>
>> 11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>>
>> 12. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy
>> why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
>>
>> 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
>>
>> 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>>
>> 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
>>
>> 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>>
>> 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>>
>> 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
> up.
>>
>> 19.. Procrastinate Now!
>>
>> 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
>>
>> 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>>
>> 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>>
>> 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
>>
>> 24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
>>
>> 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
>>
>> 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
> thousand times the memory.
>>
>> 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
>> for a pig.
>>
>> 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>>
>> 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.