Recently visited the doctors, only to be diagnosed with Speleorrehea, of the penis. I can only attribute this to bad water in the East Canals of Giant's Hole.

I would suggest all visiting cavers to avoid submerging their navel area when visiting the system.

On a side note: would the BCRA be interested in funding a PhD to research this condition at the University of Nigeria?

It's an epidemic

Diarrhoea, gonorrhoea or a south American ostrich in a cave?

[Rrhoea from Rhein, a European river]

Most probably amputation would be the only cure.

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gingernutcrazy said:

Recently visited the doctors, only to be diagnosed with Speleorrehea, of the penis. I can only attribute this to bad water in the East Canals of Giant's Hole.

Click to expand...

You were actually diagnosed with Speleorrhoea, the British version. You see the American version makes you bounce up and down entrances, talk about chest plates and wave a rack around as a surrogate willy. The British version makes you argue about stops, attempt repeated self drownings and consume copious amounts of alcohol. In its terminal stage it leaves you armchair bound and inconsistently muttering about access.

As a general point of note while it seems to start with the penis, the 'unrelenting prick' sign, it is actually a systemic condition that leaves you hard headed, cretinistic and constipated (i.e. full of s***). Cycling and climbing have been shown to be 'cures' but the general consensus is that putting yourself through these is often far worse than living with the disease.

gingernutcrazy said:

Recently visited the doctors, only to be diagnosed with Speleorrehea, of the penis. I can only attribute this to bad water in the East Canals of Giant's Hole.

I would suggest all visiting cavers to avoid submerging their navel area when visiting the system.

On a side note: would the BCRA be interested in funding a PhD to research this condition at the University of Nigeria?

Click to expand...

What's caving? Is that a kink?

On a side note: Given the fact that you have never visited the glory that is the East Canal, I highly doubt this, though I understand the need to create a story to cover up the fact that your erectile dysfunction as probably just a result of grovelling about in medieval sewers with a lack of oxygen and excess of faeces filled sludge.

Maybe it's an affliction of talking bollox about caving...?

I did give some advice on constipation in a Belfry Bulletin a little while back.