Author Topic: Earthquake in Barnsley  (Read 1371 times)

Online Mrs Trellis

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Earthquake in Barnsley
« on: October 21, 2005, 03:15:53 pm »
A major earthquake measuring 5.1 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday, 17th October 2005.

Epicentre: Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried by 8,500 racing pigeons.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "Bloodyell" and "Choofinnora".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived.

Radio Barnsley reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with something interesting happening in Barnsley.

One resident, Tracey Sharon Braithwaite, a 17 year old mother of seven said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Madonna came running into my bedroom, crying. My youngest two, Tyler Morgan and Brittany Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching "Tricia" later that morning".

Apparently though, looting and car stealing carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Poundland.

How can you help?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, items needed include:-

Fila or Burberry baseball caps.
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, Angel Delight and cans of Colt45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys fish and chips and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 8, and £5.00 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Urgently required is tinned whippet food.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population in the neighbouring areas.

Thank you
Mrs Trellis
Upper Sheeps Bottom
North Wales