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CHECC 2020 song writing competition entries


Well-known member
Rostam has had the monopoly on caving songs sung at CHECC Events for too long, and it?s time for us, the common student cavers to rise up and take it from him. Your song can be an original, or a cover, and the only limit is your imagination. Try not to slag off another club too much, they might not do joint trips with you again. Remember to say which club you?re representing!
EDIT: Rostam is now judging this competition, so these entries better be good!

The prize for this one is a wonderful MTDE Collectivo 60l tacklesack, donated kindly by our bearded lord and short wearing saviour over at starless river.



New member
*Disclaimer: Like Shane MacGowan, we are drunk.

Representing UBSS and DUSA!

To the tune of 'A Rainy Night in Soho' by the Pouges

*Video Attached*: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1r6aF36oqKoGW-XLztzveQrTgKhWD3oBb/view?usp=sharing

I've been caving here a long time
Down all the years, down all the days
Nearly drowned in the troubles
Enjoyed your sexy streamway

We took the freshers down together together
And we watched them as they fell
Six of them fell down the twenty
Three of them reached the great bell

I took shelter from a rockfall
Boulders tumbling down the stream
On a rainy night in Swildons
Somehow we?re now lost it seems

Looking for blue pencil passage
The hunters waiting down the road
The water rising up the walls
Where is the way out, oh we?re fucked

We found a passage of small proportions
From it came a funny stink
On a rainy night in Swildons
We popped out of Priddy green sink

Now the trip is nearly over
The fresh will never be found
A pint of Butcome waiting for me
Let?s assume that they all drowned

Sometimes I cave up in Yorkshire
Descending Notts Pot or Death Head
While the SRT is thrilling
Swildons hole is in my head
Swildons hole is in my head


New member
Written by myself and Fiona (FionaH) one lockdown night, representing imperial
We haven't got the excuse of being drunk

(to the tune of Still Alive, Portal)

This was a triumph
I?m making a note here: huge damn cave
It?s hard to overstate my satisfaction
[Insert club name here (eg, Imperial Caving)]
We go on expo because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones that don?t care

But there's no sense crying over every dead lead
You just keep on trying til you run out of cave
And the pushing gets done
And you survey it for fun
For the cavers who are above ground

I?m not even angry
I?m being so sincere right now
Even though your survey?s shit
And needs redoing
I tore it to pieces
And threw every piece into the fire
As they burned it hurt because
I now have to survey

Now these points of data make a beautiful line
We are out of expo
We have run out of time
So we leave the underground
Think of all the cave we found
For the cavers who are above ground

Go ahead and derig
I think I prefer to drink some tea
Maybe you?ll find someone else to help you
Maybe Fiona [its like happy birthday, change the name!]
Anyway this tea is great
It is so gritty and weak

Look at me still talking when there?s caving to do
When I look down there
It makes me glad I?ve a brew
There is still tea in my cup
And--oh god--the washing up
For the cavers who are above ground

And believe me I am above ground
I?m drawing surveys and I?m above ground
I feel fantastic and I?m above ground
While you?re caving I am above ground
And when you?re rescued I?ll be above ground
Above ground
Above ground


New member
Representing MUSC

To the tune of Down Under by Men at Work

Travelling to the Yorkshire Dales
Hearing all the caving tales
I met drunk cavers, they made me nervous
But the next day they cooked me breakfast
And they said

Lets go to a cave down under
Where its dark and I may chunder
Don?t you worry if you make a blunder
You won?t fall far, you will make it back

Navigating our way through Ease Gill
I was hungover and I felt ill
I said, ?are we nearly out yet??
They just smiled and told me ?don?t fret?

We are in a cave down under
Where it is cold and bats flutter
In the streamway I cough and splutter
It?s not that far, we will make it back

Now from the cave we are free
Back at Bull Pot, and drinking hot tea
I said to the club ?what will we do tomorrow?
Where is it that we plan to go??
And they said

Lets go to a cave down under
Where its dark and I may chunder
Don?t you worry if you make a blunder
You won?t fall far, you will make it back


Well-known member
I?m Craving Caving
With apologies to "My Little Honda Fifty" originally by Tom Tuohy - this is modelled on Seamus Moore's version.


C                    Am
oh my litle honda fifty, she's rapid and she's nifty
There?s something I am craving, going un-derground and caving
F            G
she'll get you away from the guards any day
Without it I just sit here - and cry
C                    Am
oh my litle honda fifty, she's rapid and she's nifty
There?s something I am craving, going un-derground  and caving
F                G
she'll do a hundred and fifty on awindy day
There?s nowt like misbehaving - in a cold layby


C                    Am
Well I bought her in the buy and sell in 1992
Well I started caving, long ago, before Corona time,
F                G
A travellin man in a caravan said this is the bike for you
A caver man, in old white van, invited me for a climb
C                Am
He was looking for a hundred pounds, well i gave in 82
But I went down, underground, in the summertime
F                    G
well i took her for a spin on the killibag road and by god she f***in flew
Now the only thing I?m longing for, is to slither in slimey mine.



C Am
well i drove her into newbridge, i was lookin for a couple of parts
Well I went down the layby, Where I had been with the crew,
like alloy wheels and nitros and a new push b***on start
Took my clothes off all alone, just to feel the wind whistle through
C Am
then i headed down to roberts town to drop in for a beer
But as I laid down in the ditch, and wriggled round carefree
85 over the bridge in f***** second gear
I felt the burn all over my bum, cavers are allergic to vitamin D



C Am
i was heading out from roberts town going towards timmaho
The Rona Virus Came to me, and I lay down and died
when i saw the guards behind be, sargeant kelly dont ya know
The caver god, unlocked his gates, and welcomed me on inside
C Am
i said oh f*** just my luck and i hit the old nitro (15)
I said, oh yay, I?m here to stay, where am I do pray tell
by the time the squad hit buckets cross, i was in timmaho (15)
But the bugger wouldn?t tell me, so I?m surveying heaven or hell,



New member
Mud Story

On behalf of UBSS and with apologies to TayTay:

Turns out it's hard to sing in a mask! #covidsecuretho

We were both clean when I first saw you ?
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there
By the entrance in the summer air.

See the lights, see the wellies, the coiled ropes,
See you make your way through the cows
And say "Hello."
Little did I know ...

That you weren?t from my club, you were a direct member,
And my second said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the pitch head
Begging you, "Please don't go."
And I said,

"Speleo?, take me somewhere we can crawl around,
I'll be waiting, I just wanna get underground
You'll rig the cave and I?ll herd the freshers ?
It's a mud story ? baby, just say 'Yes'."

So, I sneak out to the Hunters to see you ?
Order a pasta and a pint or two,
And close your eyes.
Escape this club for a little while.
Oh, oh.

'Cause you?re a speleo? and I love to go caving,
but my second said, "Stay away from Juliet."
I was lying in the streamway,
Begging you, "Please don't go!"
And I said,

"Speleo?, take me somewhere we can crawl around,
I'll be waiting, I just wanna get underground
You'll rig the cave and I?ll herd the freshers ?
It's a mud story ? baby, just say 'Yes'."

Speleo?, save me ? they're trying to tell me where to cave.
This mud is slippery, but it's real.
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a mud story ? baby, just say 'Yes'."

Oh, oh, oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were gonna get underground.
My faith in you was fading,
When I met you on the Swildon?s Short Round,
And I said,

"Speleo?, save me. I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you, but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to say."
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a survey ?

"Come with me, Juliet ? you'll never have to rig alone.
I love caves, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your club, we?ve read up on access ?
It's a mud story ? baby, just say 'Yes'."

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

'Cause we were both clean when I first saw you.


Well-known member
Turns out it's hard to sing in a mask!
Liked this one. Take the mask off (with assorted precautions).  Do a few more confident takes and a bit more light on the face and it'll be even better.  Nice  (y)


New member
Here is the accompanying video for A Rainy Night in Swildons (UBSS/DUSA) apparently the link confused people  :LOL:



Active member
I loved these so much it inspired me to write a new song that I had to stay up till quarter to 2 in order to finish it :-[
All I can say is if you like Havana, you might like a kong banana...
So many of you are winners in my opinion but I'll reveal who actually won after the AGM


Active member
The winner is...A Rainy Night in Swildons!

The main reason being is it captured the classic essence of a traditional caving song, singable by the less than perfect, the classic dark jokes but also conveying an emotional attachment to the caving subculture. Very good and I can't wait to hear it live in the near future.

I'd be eager to hear you tackle a similar folk song but I think you'd benefit most from planning out the rhyming couplets before writing the song as I think it would give you greater creative freedom to build to punchlines

Notable runners up:
Above Ground (still Alive Portal)
This was so creative and I'm a huge fan of doing something a bit off the wall (sorry that's a bad pun). The narrative was excellent, and the jokes really resonate with anyone who's been on expedition. Really wonderful piece. The areas that could be played with a little more: There are couplets (like in the 4th verse) where you can sneak in a few more jokes.
And Mud Story
Ably performed and a good technical rewrite, clearly a song you enjoy and that comes across. It's missing the emotional/creative hook that make people go 'I want to hear that song again, it keeps echoing in my temporal lobe' and that's a really hard thing to do. Probably a third at best of my songs have that. Often the hook is just a hook for me. I have a few ideas for songs and concepts that you could play around with so feel free to get in touch!

That goes for all the entrants, I feel very proud of the number and quality of entries and one day we will have a true speleorchestra!


Well-known member
Rostam has announced the winners so all thats left for me to do is to once again thank our wonderful sponsor at Starless River, thanks for the support, even in these interesting times!