It never ceases to amaze me.....

[cap n chris]

OK, so how do you react when you witness this sort of stuff?....

a) Helmet on backwards (MUCH MORE COMMON THAN YOU MIGHT IMAGINE!).

b) doing a karabiner up and THEN trying to clip it on, rather than checking to see whether it was in fact undone already (to make life quicker and easier by allowing the numpty to clip it straight on to begin with, thereby saving time).

c) allowing someone to have lots of new batteries for their backup lamp only for them to say that ALL the batteries are flat (although they're brand new) - later on discovering that the person had tried to install all of the batteries in the same alignment, rather than alternately.

d) watching someone "fish hooking" the karabiner while trying to remove it from their belt... and watching them.... and watching them.... and having a snooze and leaving them to it for five minutes before they get someone next to them to unclip it without snagging it - this is DESPITE already having explained to people to specifically ensure that this problem doesn't happen to them with a slow-mo demonstration beforehand.

e) wellington boots on wrong feet - VERY COMMON.

f) overalls on backwards (as though it was a wetsuit); i.e. zip up at the back!

g) overalls put on upside down; legs in arm holes, then attempting to put arms in leg holes with neck hole functioning as some sort of pooh hole?

h) giving people kit bags to carry only to discover ten minutes later after walking through the woods that both bags were put on the ground back at the car park and left behind.

i) people in Goatchurch Cavern wearing wetsuits.

j) people in Swildon's Hole caving with young children, all wearing jeans and t-shirts and carrying hand held torches, without helmets (also perhaps missing a brain?!)

k) people caving in Swildon's Hole with a cigarette held in place behind one ear.

l) people caving in Swildon's Hole wearing a black bin liner over their head/chest with a hole punched through allowing their head to pop out (presumably some kind of poor man's "wetsuit").

m) people caving despite being physically incapable of lifting either leg higher than the level of their adjacent knee

n) people caving despite being physically incapable of walking uphill without needing to lie down

o) people caving despite saying they are very asthmatic and, on enquiry, finding out they haven't brought an inhaler with them since they "didn't think they would need it".

p) people caving despite bursting into floods of tears when at the cave entrance because they "don't like the dark" (God help us all! FFS!!!).

... anyone got any more good `uns?.....



P.S. All of the above have been witnessed by me FAR TOO MANY TIMES - it's remarkable, almost unbelievable and a miracle that humans have survived this long.....

 

[cap n chris]

.... telling people, eight times, to "hold the rope with your hands" and then watch as each one tries to climb up the hold-less slope and fail miserably by sliding back down again, alongside the limp rope beside them....

If they were foreign students it would be understandable, but when they're English and watch you demonstrate the method of progression with a visual, step by step, "guidance for thick people" lesson, it beats the crap out of me how else to get the message across.

 

[graham]

n) people caving despite being physically incapable of walking uphill without needing to lie down.

I told you I wasn't well ...

 

[chriscastle46]

Now, me old mate, if these things bother you that much you should get another job, such things have always been thus.

 

[Andy Sparrow]

Now, me old mate, if these things bother you that much you should get another job, such things have always been thus.

What do you mean job? He's talking about Cheddar Caving Club trips!

 

[andymorgan]

Well we are from Somerset.....

 

[cap n chris]

Now, me old mate, if these things bother you that much you should get another job, such things have always been thus.

Perhaps if I learned how to not give a toss I might stand a chance of getting a job working alongside you?..... whaddya reckon?.... :wink:

 

[Frog]

people caving despite being physically incapable of walking uphill without needing to lie down.

Have you been spying on me

 

[chriscastle46]

Now, me old mate, if these things bother you that much you should get another job, such things have always been thus.

Perhaps if I learned how to not give a toss I might stand a chance of getting a job working alongside you?..... whaddya reckon?.... :wink:

Don't be daft, working at Cheddar requires the ability to convincingly talk total bollocks and, er, ummm........... Give the office a call.

 

[pisshead]

discovering that the person had tried to install all of the batteries in the same alignment, rather than alternately.

I got a new impact to replace one of my attitude side lamps - it did have a tighter beam but i really wasn't impressed with the brightness and found i couldn't really see a lot better...

...eventually i decided to try replacing the batteries, only to discover that i had put two of the four batteries in the wrong alignment - meaning it had been running on half power!

now it's lovely and bright

i also lie down after walking up hill

 

[AndyF]

We were in France. We got into the cave, and my mate started fiddling with his light.

He changed the batteries, swore, and reckened he'd have to abort.

I suppose we should have told him he was still wearing sunglasses.... 8)

 

[Lincolnshire poacher]

I suppose we should have told him he was still wearing sunglasses....

Many years ago i was in a minibus full of Venture Scouts on a European camp. We were in the Alps and drove into a fairly long tunnel.......cue the driver trying to turn the lights on. After much flicking of light stalks, turning of light knobs and general banging of the van we pointed out to him that he may want to take his sunglasses off.................... :roll:

To add a few to Cap 'n chris origional list:

People in Box mines wearing flip flops
People in Box mines wearing flip flops and shorts

 

[AndyF]

..people caving in leather boots, with their feet in polythene bags...

 

[SamT]

people clattering and battering their way through predomanently horizontal caves with tons of SRT kit on, then getting stuck in squeezes.

 

[darkplaces]

First or second ever visit to box and on my way to Jacks I passed about 3 or 4 ver pissed people carrying a couple of torches and a 4 pack of beer into Lady hamilitons II... Natrual selection failed me that day, no bodies found so I sadly asume they came out alive.

Hey does beer provide 'beer lamps' like it provides a 'beer coat' for the stagger home using the 'beer navigator(tm)'?

People with ruck sacks with just a coat and camea inside that someone else has to drag around goatchurch, cheers tom

A nice lay down after a hill climb, why rush rush rush, take it easy and lets wait for me to stop panting like an asmatic in heat.

 

[tubby two]

Hey does beer provide 'beer lamps' like it provides a 'beer coat' for the stagger home using the 'beer navigator(tm)'?

Don't know about beer lamps but i can certainly vouch for the beer navigator, its even effective in dense mist in the middle of the night when wandering across ingleborough, both to and from cave. spot on accuracy, even when you could only see 5m!

tt.

 

[Rachel]

How about people being told to bring a complete change of clothes for after and turning up in the van in their caving clothes, nothing else with them.

Or being asked to wear old (not denim) clothes and turning up in brand new white denim jeans.

Or trying to put their wellies on over the top of their normal shoes.

Or putting their mobile phone in their pocket .... as if it's going to ring.

 

[darkplaces]

How about people being told to bring a complete change of clothes for after and turning up in the van in their caving clothes, nothing else with them.

Make em sit in the pub in thare pants, thats whats schools used to do!

I bloody hate denim rubbish matrial, the number of times I seen people walking or caving in it. It gets wet easy, stays wet and gets heavy.

 

[badger]

being asked where the changing rooms are.

 

[tubby two]

[/quote]Or being asked to wear old (not denim) clothes and turning up in brand new white denim jeans.

Just like the freshers trip with the uni climbing club. All told to wear suitable clothes but you always get at least one dizzy bird turn up in heels and jeans with no coat but of course.... a handbag!

tt.

bugger- made a balls up of that quote then!