I was sitting on one of those benches outside the chippy at Castleton the other day, idly munching my fish and chips and quietly watching the world go by, when who should I see coming towards me but my old mate Sid. His usual vigorous stride seemed strangely hesitant, and his usual spiky reverse Mohican haircut seemed likewise reduced from its usual splendour.
?Have a seat,? I said to him, offering him a chip at the same time.
?Ta, but not just at the moment,? he said as he took the proffered morsel of potato but remained standing, leaning sideways with his shoulder against the wall.
?Hullo,? I said. ?What have you been up to then??
?Went for a quick poke down Odin, didn?t I?? he said, reaching out for another chip.
?That?s supposed to be out of bounds at the moment, isn?t it?? I asked.
?S?right,? he replied. ?That?s why I went in ? to have a look round and see what was going on.?
?And what did you see?? I asked.
?Well,? he said, settling himself more comfortably against the wall, ?I went up there at a suitably quiet hour, of course, and had no trouble getting in. But the place is very unstable, and just as I came to the site of Phil?s ?collapse? the ground started to trickle away under my feet. The next thing I knew I was sliding down into this chasm, with the ground falling away under me and the crash and roar of falling rocks coming up from down below.
?Fortunately the sides of the old stope weren?t quite vertical, and I found myself sliding down on my backside at a great rate of knots. Unfortunately, there seemed to be no bottom to the wretched hole and after a bit the seat of my oversuit started to wear through. Eventually, after what seemed ages, the crazy fall came to an end and I found myself rolling head over heels down a slope of rocks and dirt, with both oversuit and furry worn clean away, together with the outer layer of skin. What?s that? Painful? Aye, you could say so!
But then ? somehow my light was still working ? I found myself standing more or less upright in quite a large chamber that seemed to open out into a huge cavern that was massive beyond belief. There was something about the look ? and smell ? of the place, though, that made me think ?I?ve been here before...? And there was something I wasn?t expecting to see ? a great iron gate across the passage, blocking off the way to the cavern beyond.
?Well, I couldn?t think of anything else to do, so I picked up a rock and started hammering on the bars of the gate. And sure enough, a little purple imp with spiky ears promptly popped up from behind a boulder on the other side. ?Who are you, and what are you doing here?? he asked.
? ?Who are you, and what?s this effing gate doing here?? I asked in return.
? ?The gate?? he said. ?We had to put that up to keep you guys out. Too many of you trying to get in without permits!? And then he shouted out ?Hey, Boss! There?s another of ?em here!?
?And then, once again, I heart that awful, dark, gritty voice booming out of the darkness: ?It?s not that Derbyshire lot again, is it? We don?t want them down here causing trouble!? And then ?Oh, no! Not you again! Asmodelius! Get rid of him!?
?And, once again, that huge dark shape rose out from the blue glow of the burning sulphur, swinging the gate open with one hand and cracking a fiery whip with the other. ?Up you go, lad!? he said, and I found myself running for dear life up this never-ending spiral slope with that red-hot whip flicking across my exposed backside until eventually the hillside gaped open and I found myself in bright moonlight running across that patch of grass just opposite Mam Tor...?
?Tell me, Sid,? I said, ?just how many pints did you have before you set out on this little escapade??
?Never you mind,? said he. ?But now you know why I don?t want to sit down for the moment!?
OK - I can't believe a word of any of Sid's stories but what is the latest on Odin? Can anyone bring us up to date?
