Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1364453 times)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7000 on: September 23, 2020, 12:39:41 pm »
The Stranglers were originally an Ipswich octet called The Suffolk Eight.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7001 on: September 24, 2020, 10:00:57 am »
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "Thanks son, but one would have been enough".
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Online Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7002 on: September 24, 2020, 11:54:38 am »
Pulling your Christmas crackers early this year Tony.....?

PS Tesco's have three varieties of mince pies in Christmassy boxes in stock already!!!
« Last Edit: September 24, 2020, 12:12:01 pm by Laurie »
MNRC

Offline Oceanrower

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7003 on: September 24, 2020, 12:49:01 pm »
Just a heads up. This may surprise some of you, but I want you to all know, that yesterday I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19. The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot yesterday at 4:00 pm, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

Online rhychydwr1

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7004 on: September 24, 2020, 03:06:33 pm »
A quick translation:

"I feel a little weird and I think I pulled out donkey ears."

Let that be a warning to you.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7005 on: September 25, 2020, 09:03:19 am »
Today's tip:  If a woman asks "does my bum look big in this?", don't answer "do you mean the skirt or the room?"

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Offline Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7006 on: September 25, 2020, 04:40:32 pm »
Students:  Don’t be a fool and travel back home for Christmas.  Especially if you think you might have the virus. 

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7007 on: September 25, 2020, 05:09:40 pm »
Unless, of course, you need an eye-test.

Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7008 on: September 25, 2020, 09:02:17 pm »
..............................................
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7009 on: September 26, 2020, 11:54:59 am »
To test if spaghetti is ready you’re supposed to throw it against the wall; if it leaves a dent, that means you haven’t opened the tin yet.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7010 on: September 29, 2020, 08:53:52 am »
Life is like a box of chocolates.

Quickly destroyed by my wife.
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Online Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7011 on: September 29, 2020, 10:43:08 am »
To test if spaghetti is ready you’re supposed to throw it against the wall; if it leaves a dent, that means you haven’t opened the tin yet.

No wonder your wife want's to destroy your life.
Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7012 on: September 30, 2020, 08:43:53 am »
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7013 on: October 01, 2020, 09:35:59 am »
People say the man who sold me invisible hearing aids is a conman, but I won’t hear a bad word said about him.
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Online Pegasus

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7014 on: October 02, 2020, 11:01:40 am »

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7015 on: October 02, 2020, 04:01:07 pm »
I've just accidentally sent a naked photo of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only is it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
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Online andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7016 on: October 02, 2020, 10:47:12 pm »
To all our friends over the pond: Covid-19 only affects the brain so your President is quite safe.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7017 on: October 03, 2020, 09:14:19 am »
Thoughts and prayers are with the coronavirus at this difficult time.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7018 on: October 03, 2020, 04:08:50 pm »
ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."
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Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7019 on: October 03, 2020, 05:27:12 pm »
But do they differentiate between functions and parties?

Online andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7020 on: October 04, 2020, 10:13:48 am »
I had a mate called f(x). Really bubbly chap so we nicknamed him f(essence).
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7021 on: October 04, 2020, 10:40:12 am »
I bet he integrated really well into society.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7022 on: October 04, 2020, 12:37:34 pm »
BREAKING:-
Dr. Anthony Fauci has tested positive for Itolduso-19.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7023 on: October 05, 2020, 11:01:06 am »
It was a busy night at the Bulimic Support Clinic last night - the place was heaving.
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Online andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #7024 on: October 05, 2020, 06:23:11 pm »
Just wondering. Do you think there are signs at drug rehab centres that say "KEEP OFF THE GRASS"?
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

 

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