Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

M

Mr Fell

New member
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay."

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, whatcha gonna do in Tampa?"

“Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge chest out for dinner..... Then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and make love to her big time all night."

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a crap first."
:LOL:
 
M

Mr Fell

New member
The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees an LP record in the window of a charity shop 'Wasp noises from around the world'. Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it.


"Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto his turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused.



"I don't recognise any of these noises, and I'm the world's foremost authority on wasps! Can you play the next track please?"



The assistant obliges and skips the needle onto the next track. After a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is still confused.



"No, I still don't recognise any of these wasps. Can you try the next track?"



The assistant skips the needle on, and the world's foremost authority on wasps listens for a little while longer before shaking his head.



"It's no good. I just don't recognise any of these wasps"



The assistant peers at the label of the record and says "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I had it on the bee side"


:roll:
 
Wolfart

Wolfart

New member
The wife wanted a Bidet for her birthday and said she would like a new shower unit installed as the old one was outdated.decided to fit shower unit and told her to stand on her head in it (visual joke) :twisted:
 
W

wallop

Guest
4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from
the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red
mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the
dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me
in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the
dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

the Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so
I can slap that French tw*t again" :LOL:
 
W

wallop

Guest
A man goes to a zoo,

but when he arrives there,

there's only a dog...






it was a shitzu

:wink: :wink:
 
B

Billy Butcombe

New member
After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
on Fox TV News, Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in
his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of
coded message:

370HSSV-0773H


Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides
had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve
it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute, MI-6
cabled the White House with this reply:












"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

:wink:
 
Slug

Slug

Member
They sat that for every Cat Lover, there's at least One, possably Two Cat haters..........with this in mind......Log on to this If You dare,,,,,,and are NOT easily offended.....


Sick Bastards Only!!!!!!!

www.richsalter.btinternet.co.uk/cks2/.index.html

Dont Say You Wer'nt warned
 
graham

graham

New member
Subject: Blunkett's Resignation
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