Mrs Trellis

Well-known member

• Oct 14, 2005

• #1

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 7 year old says "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, OK?"
"Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"Oh, shit Mum, I s'pose I'll have some Coco Pops"

WHACK!! - He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,:-

"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

I don't know, Mum" he blubbers,"but it won't be fucking Coco Pops."

 

AndyF

New member

• Oct 14, 2005

• #2

Two eggs in a frying pan.

first one says "It's hot in here"

other one says "Holy crap, a talking egg!!"

 

M

Mr Fell

New member

• Oct 14, 2005

• #3

Anybody fancy a cheap night out - tickets for the two Ronnies - half price.

 

D

Dave H

Guest

• Oct 15, 2005

• #4

Elton John was going to play a tribute song at Ronnie Barkers funeral - four candles in the wind!

 

M

Mr Fell

New member

• Oct 20, 2005

• #5

It`s Friday tomorrow - with the prospect of beer and caves over the weekend - dont forget the Friday joke - rude or otherwise. I would oblige but have not been told any recently. That Wolfart has loads of gags - all non PC.

 

A

andymorgan

Guest

• Oct 21, 2005

• #6

I came home the other night and the wife said

'have you seen my flip-flops?'

I said
'I've seen them before, now put your bra back on'

 

M

Mr Fell

New member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #7

Ha Ha good one !

 

Slug

Active member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #8

Novice Nun: "Mother Superior, I've been told that there's a dozen cases of Syphylis in the vilage".

Mother Superior: " Thank God for that,,I'm getting Pissed off with this bloody Beaujolais".

 

M

Mr Fell

New member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #9

Q What is the difference between Arthur Scargill and Michael Jackson?

A Arthur Scargill has not seen a miners helmet for years ! ?

 

Wolfart

New member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #10

ANYONE GOT ANY TRAFALGER OR NELSON JOKES? JUST SO I CAN WIND UP THE WOODWORK TEACHER AT SCHOOL COS HE'S A STAUNCH PATRIOT AND WILL BE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE VICTORY INN AT HEREFORD

 

Brains

Well-known member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #11

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0001076.html
Try him with this one, although it doesnt really sound like the Admiral to me...

 

D

dunc

New member

• Oct 21, 2005

• #12

Try him with this one, although it doesnt really sound like the Admiral to me...

Click to expand...

You just beat me to it on that joke!

 

Slug

Active member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #13

William Shakespear walks into a Pub and says, " Can I have a pint please",

The landlord says " No. You're Bard "

 

pisshead

New member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #14

that is terrible!

what do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

 

W

wallop

Guest

• Oct 28, 2005

• #15

Thats bad!!!

 

B

Billy Butcombe

New member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #16

This bloke phones the council and says `Can I have a skip outside my house'. The guy on the other end says `Sure - you can dance skip hop anything'

 

B

Billy Butcombe

New member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #17

Going to rain on Sun - drat no caving :evil:

 

W

wallop

Guest

• Oct 28, 2005

• #18

Good try!!
Where did you get that joke from?

 

B

Billy Butcombe

New member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #19

Joke came from a student we have doing a placement No caving came from the met office website :twisted: :evil: When I get myself into gear I can usually dredge up a good few jokes but not all are PC.

 

M

Mr Fell

New member

• Oct 28, 2005

• #20

Ah ha - Mr Butcome I presume - the co conspiritor in the disproportionate consumption of the cubic foot of Merlot no less! I can vouch for the shocking nature of your jokes - quite clean that one by your own standards !