While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than
I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the
other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.
The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and, with that
classic, patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The policeman was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work
side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do
you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind
Speeding ticket: Ã‚Â£105.00
Court costs: Ã‚Â£45
Look on copper's face: Priceless.... Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£Ã‚Â£