Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either!

 

[GarDouth]

Male bees die after mating.
That's basically their life.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Male bees die after mating.
That's basically their life.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

A life of serial events.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A little old lady is on holiday in Blackpool and spots a man on the pier who looks familiar.
"Excuse me ....are you the Great Stupendo... the magician who bent iron bars over his erect member?" she asks
"Yes, love, that's me" replies the old man from his deckchair
"And are still performing?" she enquires
"No...not any more.....the wrists have gone"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink earlier.

I'm at the hospital now, waiting to be seen.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I was in London when a tourist came up to me and said,
"Do you know the best way to Selfridges?"
I said, "TV advertising, or failing that, eBay!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've got piles and piles of ironing to do.
I don't know which is worse.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

The best way to put off trick-or-treaters is to answer the door stark naked which I'm doing now.

Here are the first ones - dressed up as policemen.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A young lad knocked on my door for Halloween & said, "Trick or Treat?"
I said, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you haven't got a costume on you're just in normal clothes."
He said, "Well it's not a full moon yet is it, dickhead!"

 

[Oceanrower]

After taking my new lady friend home the other night, after our first date, she told me I’d have to wait 3 months before she would have sex with me.

I said I totally understood and respected her position and I’d call her again nearer the time…

 

[legendrider]

Elon Musk landed at Luton in his Lear jet, on his way to the AI conference. He couldnt remember if he was supposed to go to Bletchley or Sketchley, so the taxi driver took him to the cleaners.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[TheBitterEnd]

I'm bald but I still own a comb.



I just can't part with it..

 

[legendrider]

Heard on a Kulula Airways flight.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.
If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."