Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1344393 times)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6625 on: February 10, 2020, 01:52:16 pm »
I aim to please!  :)!
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6626 on: February 10, 2020, 09:30:21 pm »
My horse is a rubbish at ballroom dancing.

I think he's got two left feet!

Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6627 on: February 12, 2020, 12:15:02 pm »
I saw an Irish dancing show today called ‘Streamdance’. It’s not quite as good as ‘Riverdance’, but then it is only a tributary act.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6628 on: February 13, 2020, 07:52:44 am »
"Storm Ciara destroyed my caravan"  says singer Cat Stevens


He said "my awning has broken"

'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6629 on: February 14, 2020, 01:39:27 pm »
I started a postal guitar repairing service, but I had to stop when I started receiving frets in the mail.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6630 on: February 14, 2020, 02:05:42 pm »
I started a postal guitar repairing service, but I had to stop when I started receiving frets in the mail.
Oh dear, oh dear...
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6631 on: February 15, 2020, 06:52:23 pm »
I believe in honesty with my kids.
When they say “Daddy, what will I be when I grow up ?” I tell them "Disappointed."
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6632 on: February 17, 2020, 10:41:05 am »
Teacher, working round the class: "And what do you want to be when you grow up, Lonnie?"
Lonnie: "A dustman."
Teacher: "Well, I'm not sure there's any money in that, so why?"
Lonnie: "My old man's a dustman!"
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6633 on: February 17, 2020, 03:05:02 pm »
They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer, so I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6634 on: February 21, 2020, 07:26:34 pm »
I told my doctor that I have a problem with my left ear.
He said “Are you sure ?”
I said “Yes, I’m definite”
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6635 on: February 23, 2020, 11:41:31 am »
Since we were kids, my cousin and I have had an annual 'who can pee highest against the wall' contest. Yesterday, for the first time in 40 years, I actually managed to beat her.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6636 on: February 23, 2020, 01:58:57 pm »
Which reminds me of the time that our neighbour came round to remonstrate with Mum about my brother writing his name in the snow with his pee. Mum said, ‘Oh that’s nothing, lots of little boys do that’, to which the neighbour replied, ‘Yeah, but not in our Sally’s handwriting’.

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6637 on: February 26, 2020, 10:59:27 am »
How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water.

If it sinks - girl ant.

If it it floats ......



Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6638 on: February 26, 2020, 12:30:02 pm »
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6639 on: February 26, 2020, 01:51:59 pm »
All the elderly in Eastborn have gone into isolation to avoid the Cov-19 virus.

Bloomin coffing dodgers
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Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6640 on: February 26, 2020, 03:07:57 pm »
Man to woman: 'Do you smoke after sex?'

Woman to man: 'Dunno, I've never looked.'

Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6641 on: February 27, 2020, 09:04:09 am »
How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water.

If it sinks - girl ant.

If it it floats ......



Maj.
I think you've been reading the same Facebook pages as me.
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Offline PeteHall

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6642 on: February 27, 2020, 10:29:07 am »
How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water.

If it sinks - girl ant.

If it it floats ......



Maj.
I think you've been reading the same Facebook pages as me.
Must be doing the rounds, as I heard the same one at work on Monday!
The distance between stupidity and genius is measured only by success.

Offline Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6643 on: February 27, 2020, 12:30:58 pm »
I really dont get the ant joke.
Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6644 on: February 27, 2020, 01:01:43 pm »
Boy ant...buoyant...
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6645 on: February 27, 2020, 04:03:38 pm »
Couldn't work out where the music was coming from!

Turns out it was my printer.
The paper was jamming again.
 

Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6646 on: February 27, 2020, 04:27:51 pm »
The husband laughed when I told him I had the body of an 18 year old... until he looked in the freezer.
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Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6647 on: February 27, 2020, 05:22:17 pm »
The other day I called a suicide hotline in Iraq.
 
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
 
 
Maj.
 
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline Alex

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6648 on: February 27, 2020, 07:37:52 pm »
Ahh now I feel stupid I should have got that one.
Anything I say is represents my own opinion and not that of a any club/organisation that I am a member of (unless its good of course)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6649 on: February 29, 2020, 08:17:10 am »
"If you keep stealing my kitchen utensils, I will move out!"

"That’s a whisk I’m willing to take".
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

 

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