Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1364963 times)

Offline Fulk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6925 on: July 23, 2020, 09:27:32 pm »
Thank you Chris; apparently:

В этом посте влияния России не обнаружено.

means:

No se encontró influencia rusa en esta publicación.

Fortunately, I know a bit of Spanish! (No Russian influence was found in this publication.)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6926 on: July 25, 2020, 09:05:38 am »
I was going to cook my wife a surprise Chinese meal for our anniversary, but her sister let the cat out of the bag.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6927 on: July 25, 2020, 07:49:56 pm »
Thank you Chris; apparently:

В этом посте влияния России не обнаружено.

means:

No se encontró influencia rusa en esta publicación.

Fortunately, I know a bit of Spanish! (No Russian influence was found in this publication.)

Я думаю, что это действительно сработало только в определенный день на прошлой неделе
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6928 on: July 28, 2020, 04:41:19 pm »
Just been given my license to open a seafood restaurant at St Pancras.
I'm going to call it
King's Crustacean..
Malc
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Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
all words to describe me.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6929 on: July 29, 2020, 08:46:05 am »
Rodney Marsh made his England debut in a 1–1 draw with Switzerland at Wembley in November 1971, coming on as a substitute for Francis Lee. He won a total of nine caps, scoring one goal, which came in a 3–0 victory over Wales.

It has been reported that the England manager Alf Ramsey told him: “I’ll be watching you for the first 45 minutes and if you don’t work harder I’ll pull you off at half time,” to which Marsh replied: “Crikey, Alf, at QPR all we get is an orange and a cup of tea.”
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6930 on: July 29, 2020, 01:27:04 pm »
I took my son out for his first drink yesterday. Bought him a Carlsberg, which he didn't like, so I drank it. Then I bought him a Guinness, which he didn't like, so I drank it. Next, I tried him with a pint of Adnam's, which he didn't like either, so I drank it. By the time we got the scotch, I could hardly push the pram.
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Offline crickleymal

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6931 on: July 30, 2020, 11:46:34 pm »
We have a bird of prey that dances at night.

Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark
Malc
Rusted and ropy, dog-eared old copy.
Vintage and classic or just plain Jurassic:
all words to describe me.

Online Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6932 on: July 31, 2020, 06:44:59 am »
My pet kestrel Lemmy, burps and farts.  It has hawkwind.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6933 on: July 31, 2020, 11:19:33 am »
If a bear attacks you, pretend to be dead. That way, the bear will feel less guilty when it actually kills you.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6934 on: July 31, 2020, 11:23:15 am »
My pet kestrel Lemmy, burps and farts.  It has hawkwind.
Pedant Dept. - A Kestrel is a Falcon, not a hawk.  :halo:
MNRC

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6935 on: July 31, 2020, 11:56:53 am »
"I'd like a return ticket to Belgium please"

"Antwerp?"

"No, my husband's not coming".
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Online Duck ditch

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6936 on: July 31, 2020, 01:38:52 pm »
I’ve just done 2 caves back to back.  Lucky for me  I was the one facing Forward

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6937 on: August 01, 2020, 09:11:51 am »
The wife’s asked if she could have a bit of peace and quiet while she cooks the breakfast. So I’ve taken the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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Offline GarDouth

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6938 on: August 01, 2020, 06:26:46 pm »
I was going to give up my hobby as a flasher...
But I think I'll stick it out a bit longer.
CNCC webmaster
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6939 on: August 02, 2020, 06:59:21 pm »
Doing that clumsy pants-round-ankles shuffle cos I ran out of toilet paper.

Almost at Tesco now…
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Offline bograt

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6940 on: August 03, 2020, 03:03:24 pm »
Not many folk know that Tolstoy was an avid gardener, he wrote a classic book about Warren peas.
Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6941 on: August 04, 2020, 03:59:42 pm »
People have lost the true meaning of Easter, according to the Bishop of Cadbury.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6942 on: August 05, 2020, 05:33:36 pm »
A man from Dorset has today been convicted of the theft of 217 tractors over a period of 12 years.

Hector Windsock, 53, from Poole, described by police as a "One man crime wave", admitted to all the charges at the crown court today.

When asked by a young policeman what was the motivation behind his crime, he said:

"Massive urges, son."
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6943 on: August 05, 2020, 06:51:13 pm »
A man from Dorset has today been convicted of the theft of 217 tractors over a period of 12 years.

Hector Windsock, 53, from Poole, described by police as a "One man crime wave", admitted to all the charges at the crown court today.

When asked by a young policeman what was the motivation behind his crime, he said:

"Massive urges, son."

Claas joke that!
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6944 on: August 06, 2020, 07:32:40 am »
A man who admits that he is wrong when he is wrong is an honest one. A man who admits he is wrong when he is not sure whether he is right or wrong is a gracious one. A man who admits he is wrong when he is right is a married one.
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Offline TheBitterEnd

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6945 on: August 06, 2020, 04:46:13 pm »
Yorkshire proofreaders



Fighting the war on t'error
'Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.' — Mark Twain

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6946 on: August 08, 2020, 10:09:31 am »
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6947 on: August 09, 2020, 04:09:12 pm »
Luvit  ;D
MNRC

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6948 on: August 09, 2020, 04:19:13 pm »
Oops!
MNRC

Offline hoehlenforscher

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6949 on: August 09, 2020, 07:04:52 pm »
I've invented a new creamy pickle sauce condiment and had planned to name it after Prince Andrew

I thought it was a great idea but my mates have told me its a nonce tartar.

 

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