Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1146426 times)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6125 on: August 12, 2018, 09:29:54 am »
My wife isn't talking to me, she said I ruined her birthday.

I don't know how, I didn't even know it was her birthday!
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6126 on: August 12, 2018, 10:22:52 am »
I'm starting meetings at my house for people with OCD.
I don't have it myself, just hoping they'll take one look and start cleaning.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6127 on: August 12, 2018, 04:34:31 pm »
I've just renamed my WiFi network to "Police Surveillance Van #02".
That should keep my neighbours on their toes for a while.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6128 on: August 14, 2018, 01:18:04 pm »
Just want to say thanks to the person who explained the meaning of the word 'many' to me.
It means a lot.
MNRC

Offline Cave_Troll

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6129 on: August 14, 2018, 03:23:01 pm »
I went to a vegan restaurant last night.
The waitress swore she knew me, but I don't know how.
I've never met her before

Offline JeremyG

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6130 on: August 16, 2018, 09:21:14 pm »
What do you call a patronising criminal going down a staircase?

....A condescending con descending

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6131 on: August 16, 2018, 11:10:13 pm »
I went to a vegan restaurant last night.
The waitress swore she knew me, but I don't know how.
I've never met her before

This one needs explaining to me, so possibly I'm thick!
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Online Oceanrower

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6132 on: August 17, 2018, 12:07:32 am »
Me too. But I didn't like to ask...  :down:

Offline Maj

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6133 on: August 17, 2018, 12:55:05 am »
herbivore

Maj.
Confucius say "War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left."

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6134 on: August 17, 2018, 06:36:10 am »
Couldn't believe my luck last night. I met this beautiful blonde in the pub, and she said she'd show me a really good time.  When we got outside she did the 100 meters in 9.68 seconds.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6135 on: August 17, 2018, 04:23:15 pm »
My wife's cat died so I bought her an identical one. She was furious! "what am I going to do with two dead cats?" she said.
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"