Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

My mate told me he was gay in the middle of a thunderstorm.
I thought, "What an idiot coming out in weather like this."

 

[GarDouth]

I just entered a blindfold wanking contest. I didn't win. In fact I'm not sure where I came.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Did you enjoy the Eurovulsion song contest...........................?

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[shotlighter]

View attachment 19301

There is of course the third & more likely possibility - the cat will be absolutely bloody furious!

 

[Winnat's Caver]

There is of course the third & more likely possibility - the cat will be absolutely bloody furious!

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[hyweldavies]

View attachment 19301

A pal of mine happened to pass Schrodinger's old house whilst on holiday. It is still a private dwelling, rather than a museum, but had the local equivalent of a blue plaque commemorating the fact that the Great Man had lived there.

Anyway, my mate was delighted to see there was a cat flap in the front door.

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Schrodinger's Catflap. That could be a goer as a Viz strip.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[cavingbiker]

You sure he said "bar" and not "baa"?

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Behind every angry woman is a man who has no idea what he's done wrong!

 

[GarDouth]

My nephew is 4 years old and he can’t say “Please” in Spanish!
I thought... that’s poor for four.

 

[Tricky Dicky]

I recently joined an amateur autopsy group, really looking forward to Friday, its open Mike night

 

[andys]

Bloke finds a silver lantern in the woods, rubs it and out pops a genie. "I grant you two wishes says the genie!" "Not three like normal?" answers the bloke. "I've been doing this a long time," says the genie "check in your underpants."

 

[tony from suffolk]

Easy way to remember the fate of Henry VIII’s six wives:

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Tricky Dicky]

An unemployed person showed up at the job centre on Mendip, to see if there was an offer for him.

When he arrived, he saw a sign that said 'Gynecologist's Assistant Needed'

Went to the counter and asked:

- Can you give me more information about this job?

And the advisor said:

- No problem! Job is to prepare patients for the examination.

You should help them undress and thoroughly wash their genitals. Then get public hair waxed with shaving cream and a new razor. Next, gently rub oil on their bits so that they are ready for gynecologist observation.

The monthly salary is £3,500. But you have to go to Edinburgh.

- Why, is the job there?

- No, that's where the end of the queue is!...

 

[TheBitterEnd]