Author Topic: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.  (Read 1209042 times)

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6225 on: January 08, 2019, 01:44:27 pm »
My neighbour passed away and bequeathed everything to a crack in the Earth's crust. Lovely man, always generous to a fault.
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Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6226 on: January 08, 2019, 03:37:48 pm »
My little one was making no progress with his holiday packing, just sitting there on his still-empty hold baggage. When I tried to gee him along, his reply was "No problem" and that he was "on the case".
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Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6227 on: January 08, 2019, 06:35:43 pm »
My little one was making no progress with his holiday packing, just sitting there on his still-empty hold baggage. When I tried to gee him along, his reply was "No problem" and that he was "on the case".
Same Christmas cracker supplier as Tony from Suffolk?..........
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Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6228 on: January 08, 2019, 08:27:53 pm »
Yep. This last box had jokes that were just Suffolk 'n funny.  :smartass:
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6229 on: January 10, 2019, 05:29:08 pm »
I was going to start breeding gun dogs and wondered whether anyone would be able to give me a few pointers.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6230 on: January 10, 2019, 07:44:34 pm »
Golf ball-sized hailstones wouldn't be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
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Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6231 on: January 11, 2019, 11:23:50 am »
I'll get your coat Tony....
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Offline ZombieCake

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6232 on: January 13, 2019, 12:03:34 am »
My next door neighbour likes my heavy metal music so much that they threw a brick through the window so they could hear it better.

Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6233 on: January 13, 2019, 06:17:55 pm »
As a "grammar pedant", I hate it when people don't know the difference between ur and u'r!
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6234 on: January 15, 2019, 05:56:32 am »
“It’s a nice church Reverend.”
“It’s Norman.”
“It’s a nice church Norman.”
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Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6235 on: January 15, 2019, 11:43:29 am »
That was a big box of crackers.   :weep:
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6236 on: January 16, 2019, 07:52:53 am »
Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6237 on: January 16, 2019, 01:48:40 pm »
"It's full of maggots!" screamed my wife.
"Well, you wanted a larva lamp," I said.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6238 on: January 18, 2019, 08:19:05 pm »
The young couple who live next door have just made a pr0n film. Well, they don't know it yet...
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6239 on: January 21, 2019, 01:48:26 pm »
So technically, Moses was the first person to download data from the cloud to a tablet.
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Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6240 on: January 23, 2019, 04:38:28 pm »
"Do you have pets?"
"Yes; a goldfish."
"Any hobbies?"
"Well actually, he really loves swimming."
"Aim low, achieve your goals, avoid disappointment"

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6241 on: January 23, 2019, 08:15:32 pm »
Damn !
I've just lost the bidding on a genuine native American Indian teepee on eBay. If only I'd submitted a Hiawatha.
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Offline Pitlamp

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6242 on: January 23, 2019, 08:54:57 pm »
Keep 'em coming Tony; you're the perfect antidote to caving bolotics.  ;D

Offline Laurie

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6243 on: January 24, 2019, 10:16:49 am »
Keep 'em coming Tony; you're the perfect antidote to caving bolotics;D
What a lovely new word.   :clap2:
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Offline andys

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6244 on: January 24, 2019, 11:13:43 am »
Keep 'em coming Tony; you're the perfect antidote to caving bolotics;D
What a lovely new word.   :clap2:

.... its been around since 2006, as in "Tony Blair speaks complete bolotics." (Ref Urban Dictionary)
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Offline Pitlamp

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6245 on: January 24, 2019, 11:27:19 am »
It's been around in the caving community since before Tony Blair even became PM!
I can't claim the credit for that one.

Offline Spike

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6246 on: January 24, 2019, 02:54:08 pm »
Dr Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6247 on: January 25, 2019, 09:38:00 am »
Today I'm going to be helping out a Tyrannosaurus Rex family in their shop - they're a bit short-handed.
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Offline Boy Engineer

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6248 on: January 25, 2019, 02:17:11 pm »
I’ve lost my job working as a therapist for shy animals. I finally succeeded in getting the tortoise to come out of its shell.

Offline tony from suffolk

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Re: Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
« Reply #6249 on: January 26, 2019, 07:55:37 am »
I was named after my Dad, which makes sense - he was born before I was.
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