I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She's made me an appointment for next Tuesday.
Them: "Who's skull is that"Me: Raising it to my lips and taking a drink "It's Philips"Them: "What's in it"Me: "Vodka and orange juice"Them: "..."Me: "Its a Philips head screw driver"
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
I've just woke up in hospital after an industrial accident and said: "Doctor I can't feel my legs!" Doctor says: "that's because we've cut your arms off".
So the winner of the first event of the Olympic Games was in the 10 metre Air rifle competition. I wonder if they were presented with a gold medal or anything off the bottom shelf ?
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