• Publication week for Descent 296

    'Having just come back from expedition jetlagged and pushed for time, I thought adding eight extra pages to Descent would be the best way to get back into the swing of things. I hope you'll all find that the extra hours were well spent'.

    Click here for more details of what's in the next edition

Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

andys

Well-known member
A Scottish Regimental Sergeant Major, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom covered with a number of patches.

"How much to repair it?' he asks the chemist. The chemist holds it up, eyes it critically then replies "80p".
"How much for a new one?" asks the RSM, and the chemist replies "£1.20".

So, he painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and wraps that equally diligently in the cotton bandana. He then replaces the package in his sporran, stamps to attention and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. The RSM then marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
 

Mrs Trellis

Well-known member
My friend was telling me about his first parachute jump.
He said, "I was terrified and wouldn't do it.
The instructor was a big bloke and took out his huge manhood and said if I didn't jump, he'd ram it up my arse."
I asked, "Did you jump?"
"At first when it went in..."
 

TheBitterEnd

Well-known member
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Mrs Trellis

Well-known member
I bought a coat from M&S in the sales.
Pre-sale price was £495 but I got it for just £25.
It's supposed to be slightly imperfect but I've had a good look all over
and the only thing I can find is that one of the sleeves is slightly longer than the other two.
Bargain!
 

andys

Well-known member
An old man dies and goes to heaven. He arrives at the pearly gates and joins the queue to see St Peter. When its his turn, St Peter says to him "Excuse me sir while I just check your Lie Clock". "What's one of those?", the old man asks, so St Peter explains. "Well everyone has a Lie Clock, and for each lie you tell, the hands go back a minute. And over your whole life, that's how long it will take you to get into heaven. Here's Abraham Lincoln's for example, his hands only ever moved twice so he only had to wait two minutes. And Stephen Hawking's clock never moved at all .so he got straight in". "Aha, I see now" the old man says "but before you check mine I want to see Boris Johnson's!". "I'm sorry but you can't" St Peter replies "because it's in God's office and he's using it as a ceiling fan".
 
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