Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
Jim MacPherson
Active member
Semi-joke but quite true;
My then girlfriend and I had been to Ironbridge for a meander and on the way back to her parent's house near Oswestry we passed by Buildwas Abbey at which point she told me, quite assertively, that it had been built by the Crustaceans.
That was part of the reason why I asked her to marry me. Also I still can't help myself giggling about the idea of religious crab stonemasons, some 45 years later.
Jim
My then girlfriend and I had been to Ironbridge for a meander and on the way back to her parent's house near Oswestry we passed by Buildwas Abbey at which point she told me, quite assertively, that it had been built by the Crustaceans.
That was part of the reason why I asked her to marry me. Also I still can't help myself giggling about the idea of religious crab stonemasons, some 45 years later.
Jim
alanw
Well-known member
File:Jeremy Bentham Auto-Icon 2020.jpg - Wikipedia
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
We accidentally went to a convent on the island of Oinousses where there was a body displayed in a glass coffin. Those interested can read about Iríni Patéras here:- https://www.zeus.guide/oinousses-travel-guide/e-oinousses-aignousa-harbour/
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I can remember as a kid when we used to dip ginger nuts into a hot steamy cup of tea…
Of course now that's classed as bullying!
Of course now that's classed as bullying!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Just did my first good deed of the day:-
At the till in Asda there was an old dear in front of me whose groceries came to over £50,
but after emptying her purse she was a few quid short so I stepped in,
and with my help we put her items back on the shelves in a few minutes.
At the till in Asda there was an old dear in front of me whose groceries came to over £50,
but after emptying her purse she was a few quid short so I stepped in,
and with my help we put her items back on the shelves in a few minutes.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Not really a joke...............
Huw Edwards has helped more kids out financially in the last 6 months than the Tories have in their whole 13 years in power...
Huw Edwards has helped more kids out financially in the last 6 months than the Tories have in their whole 13 years in power...
Boy Engineer
Active member
No, not really a joke at all. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation, when someone is ill enough to require in-patient mental health care, it’s probably best to show a bit of concern. IMHO, recognising others may choose to disagree.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
As the doctor went through my notes, he said,
"The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.
" I said, "How come?"
He said, "Well, your wife is very ugly!"
"The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.
" I said, "How come?"
He said, "Well, your wife is very ugly!"
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
England are in the finals of the World Hairdressing Championship.
It's combing home.
It's combing home.
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes-- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss of Identity-- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things-- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours
Class 8
Health Watch-- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost-- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live-- Basic Differences between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy-- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes-- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss of Identity-- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things-- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours
Class 8
Health Watch-- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost-- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live-- Basic Differences between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy-- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.