Known by None
Member
Christmas is here and with the holidays and paperwork out of the way I find myself back on a normal shift pattern and so naturally the first thing I did was sit down and try and recollect the past few weeks caving and underground events. I'm aware I possibly missed a trip or two and I might even be a little late with one of these reports, but it is the time for forgiveness and so hopefully it will all work out.
Thursday 13Th; Swildons bizarre!
Right where to start... firstly In the interests of quelling any rumours or supposition, yes there was an injury sustained in Swildons on this trip and not only that but someone played a trick too. This might well be one of the most controversial trips I have been on and upon finally exiting the cave that night my entire world view of caving had been turned on its head and given a right good shoeing.
Originally we were going to go and have a jaunt around Eastwater but Les had brought Cornish (a first timer) along and so he decided that a nice leisurely Swildons trip might be best; We were supposed to be meeting with Hughie and Elaine but they eschewed the Wessex hut in favour of the Green, thus we would meet them down there.... whereever that might be.
Once we had kitted up and entered the cave I went on ahead in a feeble attempt at looking competent and able, I think I was meant to be helping out Cornish with spotting him down climbs, but truth be told if he had of listened to me we might well have ended up with a second injury! Instead I concentrated on explaining the history of Swildons and any chambers I didn't know the name of were promptly given a new one, a couple of them went down quite well although I'm fairly sure no-one was buying a word of it.
It was fairly shortly after we passed "Margaret Thatcher's Chamber of Commerce" that Les mentioned that we were being followed and told us to turn off our lights and get round the corner, it doesn't matter who you might think it is... realising someone is sneaking up behind you in a cave is a rather worrying prospect!
Anyhow, cue myself Les and Cornish huddled on this tiny ledge around the corner, watching the odd flicker of light slowly approaching us from down the passage. Clearly Anne and Hughie hadn't banked on Les being a cave ranger, because it turns out that he had first detected their presence when he heard the tone of the stream change, fair play! They were both blatantly rumbled and when they rounded the corner creeping along the streamway with their hands covering their lights we turned our own lights on and made lots of pointing gestures and "ha!" noises.
All of us, including them Elaine and Hughie wondered how they would have managed to sneak down pitch20... all I know is that it would have been worth watching...... incidentally Elaine got her hair wet whilst climbing down the ladder, which was almost as amusing... even Cornish appreciated it, and he's new!
After searching for cave shrimp in Barnes loop (do they exist?) we started to head back and in an effort to prove I was a serious caver I took the lead, imagine my surprise then when upon hearing an exceptionally loud splat, I angled my head 90degrees to the left and spotted Les looking for all the world like he was asleep on a rock, clearly he wasn't sleeping however as within moments he had leapt up and legged it round the corner. I was slightly worried that this might be serious because even if Les had broken his leg, he would still 'leg it round the corner' I needn't have worried however as it turned out Les was fine, and wheras most people might hurt themselves slipping, or perhaps falling off a climb, Les did it by running and jumping from wall to wall like some kind of Speleological spider man, I'll never know if it was his luck or in fact the rock that ran out first and yet he still managed to hold a pint in the pub afterwards.
This event bore no reflection upon Les however as it turned out this part of the cave was cursed and in fact his landing spot was mere metres away from the boulder that took him out last time, proving that even the most legendary of cavers can be fallible! (I've seen him traverse 120 foot up using what was seemingly thin air as footholds).
As usual it was 'one of those trips' it is never dull!
Cheers all.!
Saturday 15Th; Wessex party in Goatchurch
It isn't everyday that you get to party in a cave and so I put on some thermals, dug out a rancid old Santa hat, found a candle holder complete with a black candle and headed down to the Combe for a night of festivities.
We all met up and there was lots of costume donning and hohohoing, soon we had all set off in a candlelit procession towards the cave, I maintain that Goatchurch is possibly one of the most dangerous caves I have ever been to, not only is the floor smoothed to an almost frictionless finish but for this trip our only source of light was a candle, and so myself in a manky Santa hat surrounded by a multitude of Santas, wise men and Christmas fairies, traversed this cave of Teflon like proportions, sometimes stood up... mostly on my arse. At one point my candle gave up and threw itself down a ravine which now looked like it might be utterly bottomless, all was not lost however and soon we found ourselves in the boulder chamber that looked for all the world like a real grotto! Santa was there too, in fact there were too many Santas and despite myself and a few others requesting that they should fight it out for festive world domination, we figured that one of the Christmas fairies would only come along and break it up.
It was a great atmosphere and I even spotted Cap'n Chris having a good time with photographic evidence to confirm it, although scandalous rumours have come to light since!
It was a little surreal to be sat in a cave watching people pass around plates of food to the echoing cries of "Scotch eggs"... "ginger beer?"....."biscuits anyone?" caves aren't meant to be festive and homely, but for tonight at least it was comfortable and enjoyable.
Thanks to Ali and everyone else for organising, decorating and generally making it a great time!
Thursday 20Th;
Shatter cave with the SCG, report in the SCG section.
Friday 21st;
Lunacy in Browns Folly
Fired up with righteous conservational zeal, myself and Darkplaces decided to do something that he'd been mulling over for a long time. Clearly he had never found anyone mad enough to join him before, so when I popped round his house he realised he no longer had an excuse to put it off and we made our way to Browns.
Now most people think of conservation as clearing up rubbish and cleaning down cranes, even restoring entrances or securing damaged gates and oddly enough, Darkplaces do and has done all of that. However this was Christmas and called for something exceptional and so a ;Neo-fleece, furry, Fleece, Oversuit, numerous woolly jumpers (I lost my oversuit to Tenerife and haven't replaced it yet) lots of gloves and finally two pairs of wet socks later, we were prepared for the task ahead.
I like Browns and can appreciate it all the more now that I have experienced other less intact stone mines around the area, the architecture and level of preservation within is impressive and you can't help wanting to contribute to keeping it conserved. There is a fine line between conservation and absolute lunacy however and so when myself and Darkplaces found ourselves flailing around in a giant water filled trough, up to our necks in freezing cold rancid water whilst trying to pull out rubbish and gigantic deads, I wondered if we had crossed over into the domain of absolute stupidity.
It was fun though, the water became so muddy that there was zero visibility and so we were pulling up seemingly small rocks only to discover that they were huge, all kinds of stuff came out and it was like an episode of 'Fun house' with two nutters delving around in a tank of crap trying to find some obscure token and win a scaletrix set!
We shifted a lot of rubbish and possibly caught all manner of diseases in the process but it was a lot of fun and something I wont forget, on the way to the mine we pulled up by a car full of festive party goers and I wondered just how unbelievable our night would seem in comparison.
When the mud clears we will go back for round two... it made a difference....
Where's the towel!?
It better have!
Saturday 22ND; Darkplaces Christmas party
What can I say? this was my second party underground in as many weeks and whereas my first one was refined, orderly and full of festive cheer, this one was outrageous, fun and at times frequented by naked men.
Pulling up outside Swan mine I met up with a man in a kilt and we inadvertently took the 'sporting' route into the mine, which involved a wrong turn where we ended up directly above the entrance trying to traverse and freeclimb our way down whilst clutching boxes of sausages and bags full of mince pies, fun!
Once inside the mine we walked along the main passageway with our footsteps as the only sound along with the odd drop of water hitting the ground, sometime further in we could hear noises up ahead and as I followed the trail of tea lights I rounded a corner to be greeted with a huge throng of Darkplaces folk all gathered around a gigantic stone slab that was literally covered with party food, great big platters of canapes and other buffet foods were strewn out over this vast bit of rock and it looked amazing. I'd barely got my coat off before Going Under had poured me some quality vodka from his cod piece vodka dispenser (that was quite surreal).
I soon got drunk and some of my last real memories include seeing Going Under dancing naked on a slab of rock, whilst eating cake with his face and chest, going for a solo wander to look at cranes, glugging an entire bottle of champagne and then falling asleep under one of the most unstable pieces of roof (soon to be floor) I had ever seen. It didn't help that everyone was snoring all night (you know who you are!) and so I think at some point I must have got up and moved away to get some peace, which resulted in me waking up sober a little later and wondering where the hell I was. It didn't help that I had a nightmare and awoke to find myself in silence on a slab of rock at a junction with great dark passages stretching off into what seemed like oblivion.
I went back and took my chances with the snorers and the hanging death.
The next morning we made sure that there was no rubbish left around and everything was tidy and set off outside and homeward bound.
What a fantastic party! completely and utterly bizarre!
Well that is about it, if I have missed anything you are welcome to kill me, otherwise I wanted to thank everyone who I have met, befriended and caved with this year, I don't speak lightly when I say it has been a life changing experience. Merry Christmas to one and all, where-ever you may hail from and whatever your club (or indeed non-club) status may be. It has been a wonderful six months, and here is to a lifetime of continuity!
I could ramble on with thankyous for ages, but I think I have put across in my writing just how much of a good time I have had on every trip I have participated in (even Little Crapnell) and good mates don't really need thanking.. just another round. cheers!
Thursday 13Th; Swildons bizarre!
Right where to start... firstly In the interests of quelling any rumours or supposition, yes there was an injury sustained in Swildons on this trip and not only that but someone played a trick too. This might well be one of the most controversial trips I have been on and upon finally exiting the cave that night my entire world view of caving had been turned on its head and given a right good shoeing.
Originally we were going to go and have a jaunt around Eastwater but Les had brought Cornish (a first timer) along and so he decided that a nice leisurely Swildons trip might be best; We were supposed to be meeting with Hughie and Elaine but they eschewed the Wessex hut in favour of the Green, thus we would meet them down there.... whereever that might be.
Once we had kitted up and entered the cave I went on ahead in a feeble attempt at looking competent and able, I think I was meant to be helping out Cornish with spotting him down climbs, but truth be told if he had of listened to me we might well have ended up with a second injury! Instead I concentrated on explaining the history of Swildons and any chambers I didn't know the name of were promptly given a new one, a couple of them went down quite well although I'm fairly sure no-one was buying a word of it.
It was fairly shortly after we passed "Margaret Thatcher's Chamber of Commerce" that Les mentioned that we were being followed and told us to turn off our lights and get round the corner, it doesn't matter who you might think it is... realising someone is sneaking up behind you in a cave is a rather worrying prospect!
Anyhow, cue myself Les and Cornish huddled on this tiny ledge around the corner, watching the odd flicker of light slowly approaching us from down the passage. Clearly Anne and Hughie hadn't banked on Les being a cave ranger, because it turns out that he had first detected their presence when he heard the tone of the stream change, fair play! They were both blatantly rumbled and when they rounded the corner creeping along the streamway with their hands covering their lights we turned our own lights on and made lots of pointing gestures and "ha!" noises.
All of us, including them Elaine and Hughie wondered how they would have managed to sneak down pitch20... all I know is that it would have been worth watching...... incidentally Elaine got her hair wet whilst climbing down the ladder, which was almost as amusing... even Cornish appreciated it, and he's new!
After searching for cave shrimp in Barnes loop (do they exist?) we started to head back and in an effort to prove I was a serious caver I took the lead, imagine my surprise then when upon hearing an exceptionally loud splat, I angled my head 90degrees to the left and spotted Les looking for all the world like he was asleep on a rock, clearly he wasn't sleeping however as within moments he had leapt up and legged it round the corner. I was slightly worried that this might be serious because even if Les had broken his leg, he would still 'leg it round the corner' I needn't have worried however as it turned out Les was fine, and wheras most people might hurt themselves slipping, or perhaps falling off a climb, Les did it by running and jumping from wall to wall like some kind of Speleological spider man, I'll never know if it was his luck or in fact the rock that ran out first and yet he still managed to hold a pint in the pub afterwards.
This event bore no reflection upon Les however as it turned out this part of the cave was cursed and in fact his landing spot was mere metres away from the boulder that took him out last time, proving that even the most legendary of cavers can be fallible! (I've seen him traverse 120 foot up using what was seemingly thin air as footholds).
As usual it was 'one of those trips' it is never dull!
Cheers all.!
Saturday 15Th; Wessex party in Goatchurch
It isn't everyday that you get to party in a cave and so I put on some thermals, dug out a rancid old Santa hat, found a candle holder complete with a black candle and headed down to the Combe for a night of festivities.
We all met up and there was lots of costume donning and hohohoing, soon we had all set off in a candlelit procession towards the cave, I maintain that Goatchurch is possibly one of the most dangerous caves I have ever been to, not only is the floor smoothed to an almost frictionless finish but for this trip our only source of light was a candle, and so myself in a manky Santa hat surrounded by a multitude of Santas, wise men and Christmas fairies, traversed this cave of Teflon like proportions, sometimes stood up... mostly on my arse. At one point my candle gave up and threw itself down a ravine which now looked like it might be utterly bottomless, all was not lost however and soon we found ourselves in the boulder chamber that looked for all the world like a real grotto! Santa was there too, in fact there were too many Santas and despite myself and a few others requesting that they should fight it out for festive world domination, we figured that one of the Christmas fairies would only come along and break it up.
It was a great atmosphere and I even spotted Cap'n Chris having a good time with photographic evidence to confirm it, although scandalous rumours have come to light since!
It was a little surreal to be sat in a cave watching people pass around plates of food to the echoing cries of "Scotch eggs"... "ginger beer?"....."biscuits anyone?" caves aren't meant to be festive and homely, but for tonight at least it was comfortable and enjoyable.
Thanks to Ali and everyone else for organising, decorating and generally making it a great time!
Thursday 20Th;
Shatter cave with the SCG, report in the SCG section.
Friday 21st;
Lunacy in Browns Folly
Fired up with righteous conservational zeal, myself and Darkplaces decided to do something that he'd been mulling over for a long time. Clearly he had never found anyone mad enough to join him before, so when I popped round his house he realised he no longer had an excuse to put it off and we made our way to Browns.
Now most people think of conservation as clearing up rubbish and cleaning down cranes, even restoring entrances or securing damaged gates and oddly enough, Darkplaces do and has done all of that. However this was Christmas and called for something exceptional and so a ;Neo-fleece, furry, Fleece, Oversuit, numerous woolly jumpers (I lost my oversuit to Tenerife and haven't replaced it yet) lots of gloves and finally two pairs of wet socks later, we were prepared for the task ahead.
I like Browns and can appreciate it all the more now that I have experienced other less intact stone mines around the area, the architecture and level of preservation within is impressive and you can't help wanting to contribute to keeping it conserved. There is a fine line between conservation and absolute lunacy however and so when myself and Darkplaces found ourselves flailing around in a giant water filled trough, up to our necks in freezing cold rancid water whilst trying to pull out rubbish and gigantic deads, I wondered if we had crossed over into the domain of absolute stupidity.
It was fun though, the water became so muddy that there was zero visibility and so we were pulling up seemingly small rocks only to discover that they were huge, all kinds of stuff came out and it was like an episode of 'Fun house' with two nutters delving around in a tank of crap trying to find some obscure token and win a scaletrix set!
We shifted a lot of rubbish and possibly caught all manner of diseases in the process but it was a lot of fun and something I wont forget, on the way to the mine we pulled up by a car full of festive party goers and I wondered just how unbelievable our night would seem in comparison.
When the mud clears we will go back for round two... it made a difference....
Where's the towel!?
It better have!
Saturday 22ND; Darkplaces Christmas party
What can I say? this was my second party underground in as many weeks and whereas my first one was refined, orderly and full of festive cheer, this one was outrageous, fun and at times frequented by naked men.
Pulling up outside Swan mine I met up with a man in a kilt and we inadvertently took the 'sporting' route into the mine, which involved a wrong turn where we ended up directly above the entrance trying to traverse and freeclimb our way down whilst clutching boxes of sausages and bags full of mince pies, fun!
Once inside the mine we walked along the main passageway with our footsteps as the only sound along with the odd drop of water hitting the ground, sometime further in we could hear noises up ahead and as I followed the trail of tea lights I rounded a corner to be greeted with a huge throng of Darkplaces folk all gathered around a gigantic stone slab that was literally covered with party food, great big platters of canapes and other buffet foods were strewn out over this vast bit of rock and it looked amazing. I'd barely got my coat off before Going Under had poured me some quality vodka from his cod piece vodka dispenser (that was quite surreal).
I soon got drunk and some of my last real memories include seeing Going Under dancing naked on a slab of rock, whilst eating cake with his face and chest, going for a solo wander to look at cranes, glugging an entire bottle of champagne and then falling asleep under one of the most unstable pieces of roof (soon to be floor) I had ever seen. It didn't help that everyone was snoring all night (you know who you are!) and so I think at some point I must have got up and moved away to get some peace, which resulted in me waking up sober a little later and wondering where the hell I was. It didn't help that I had a nightmare and awoke to find myself in silence on a slab of rock at a junction with great dark passages stretching off into what seemed like oblivion.
I went back and took my chances with the snorers and the hanging death.
The next morning we made sure that there was no rubbish left around and everything was tidy and set off outside and homeward bound.
What a fantastic party! completely and utterly bizarre!
Well that is about it, if I have missed anything you are welcome to kill me, otherwise I wanted to thank everyone who I have met, befriended and caved with this year, I don't speak lightly when I say it has been a life changing experience. Merry Christmas to one and all, where-ever you may hail from and whatever your club (or indeed non-club) status may be. It has been a wonderful six months, and here is to a lifetime of continuity!
I could ramble on with thankyous for ages, but I think I have put across in my writing just how much of a good time I have had on every trip I have participated in (even Little Crapnell) and good mates don't really need thanking.. just another round. cheers!
