Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[tony from suffolk]

My wife is taking part in a social experiment... She?s wearing a "I'm Backing Boris" T-shirt for 2 weeks to see how people react.

So far she?s been spat on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her.

I?m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Oh, the grand old Duke of York
He claimed he couldn?t sweat
We paid a girl twelve million pounds
And he hoped we?d all forget

 

[Oceanrower]

The grand old Duke of York,
He had twelve million quid,
He gave it to someone he?d never met,
For something he never did?

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said ?wow that?s an amazing car.?

?If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I?ll get another one next year.?

 

[TheBitterEnd]

Can I still blame my lack of a love life on the pandemic or is it back to my personality again?

 

[Elaine]

Has this one already been posted?

Oh the grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He also had some underaged girls
But he can't remember them.

 

[andys]

I heard a rumour that Cadburys are bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.

 

[Eds]

The Grand Old Duke of York, alternative chorus (to be sung with any of the verses posted earlier):

And when he was there he was not
Though the photo looked like him a lot
And it can't have been him 'cos he can't sweat
Even when it's really hot

 

[alanw]

The Grand Old Duke of York

Surely "The Prince, formerly known as the Grand Old Duke of York"?

 

[Oceanrower]

The Grand Old Duke of York

Surely "The Prince, formerly known as the Grand Old Duke of York"?

Nope. He?s still the Duke of York. He?s kept that title (so far?)

 

[ZombieCake]

The Grand Old Duke of York
Never went to the USA
Enjoyed a pizza he did say
Yet strangely had to pay

 

[TheBitterEnd]

.............................................

 

[Laurie]

My doctor's said exactly that to me!!!
I don't think I look quite that bad but I feel it.

 

[tony from suffolk]

Bonnie Prince Charlie... the only monarch to be named after three sheepdogs.

 

[andys]

Bonnie Prince Charlie... the only monarch to be named after three sheepdogs.

Not a monarch - just a pretender LOL.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Is it too soon to panic buy bog rolls? Just asking for a friend.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

In a freak accident yesterday, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him?

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him!

 

[GarDouth]

I was reading a book on how to make your own superglue. I couldn't put it down.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

Last night a neighbour knocked on my door at 3am,  3am!!!

Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes