Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[tony from suffolk]

I just found out that I failed the RAF entrance exam. Apparently the bomb bay doors are not an Indian tribute act.

 

[tony from suffolk]

I cleaned out Roland Orzabal?s septic tank today. I didn?t think I?d done it before, but all around me were familiar faeces.

 

[andys]

Crappiest joke yet!

 

[tony from suffolk]

SHIRE HORSE
?600
Add to cart ??

 

[GarDouth]

I have always licked my knife when I've finished.
This gets some very shocked looks from the other surgeons.

 

[tony from suffolk]

Bittersweet announcement but after an amazing two years as an infectious disease expert I am moving on! I am now an expert in no-fly zones and Eastern European affairs. Excited to make the most of this new opportunity.

 

[Paul Marvin]

So True 

 

[Paul Marvin]

Bittersweet announcement but after an amazing two years as an infectious disease expert I am moving on! I am now an expert in no-fly zones and Eastern European affairs. Excited to make the most of this new opportunity.

I would still keep your hand in with the other specially though   

 

[tony from suffolk]

My friend told me to put 50 quid on a horse named ?Creosote?. I asked, ?Is it any good?? He replied ?It's great over fences?.

 

[Roger W]

I hear some of the Manchester Airport management team have been sent to Kyiv.

If they can't hold up the Russian advance, no-one can.

 

[Paul Marvin]

I hear some of the Manchester Airport management team have been sent to Kyiv.

If they can't hold up the Russian advance, no-one can.

Especially if they are employed by Ryanair

 

[andys]

Thanks everyone for your concern.
First off, I'm OK,  I was a bit shaken up though.
For those of you that aren?t aware, I was robbed at the petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,
?Yes, it was pump number 2.?

 

[hoehlenforscher]

Me and the wife had sex for 3 hours last night.
Did some Doctor and patient role-play for a change
I spent 2 hours 58 minutes in the waiting room

 

[ZombieCake]

Three Soviet workers are put in jail.
They start talking about why they went there.
Why the KGB put you in jail,  Ivan?
- My watch do not work well and was late at factory , i was accused of sabotaging Communist production.
And you Roman?
- Oh mine too so, i gave a good margin and was too early. I was accused of being a spy.
Then ask the other two: And you Alexey?
- I was on time at factory, so they accused me of having a watch from the West...

 

[alanw]

Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?

One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

Some of the young girls that work in retail these days have a terrible attitude.
I just asked a young shop assistant if there were any Mother's Day bargains going and she looked at me as if I had horns on my head.
I won't be shopping in Ann Summers again.

 

[royfellows]

A bit like when I was young, the idea of going to a garage to buy sweets and crisps would have been absurd, not to mention taking photos with a phone.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

My grandson bought his mum a cone of sweets from his nursery for Mother's Day - and ate them himself. What did they expect?

 

[royfellows]

https://www.gbnews.uk/news/extinction-rebellion-splinter-group-tyre-extinguishers-wanted-for-deflating-tyres-across-south-of-england/259951

So you are tyre extinguisher. Nice to meet you. I am life extiguisher