Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

I thought I heard my printer playing music.....
but it was just the paper jamming.

 

[andys]

My wife has been missing for eight days now. The police said I ought to prepare for the worst. So I went to the charity shop and got all her clothes back.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I'm not saying it was a rough area where I grew up...
But 1st prize in the pub raffle was an alibi!

 

[andys]

I've just found out that I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A woman was in court for stealing a tin of peaches.
The judge said "There’s 6 peaches in the tin, so I’m sentencing you to 6 weeks in jail”
Her husband then shouted “She stole a tin of peas as well!”

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

The barmaid at our local has had her nipple pierced......

...........we've got a really crap darts team.

 

[Graigwen]

The barmaid at our local has had her nipple pierced......

...........we've got a really crap darts team.

I have seen someone get a dart stuck in their ear lobe from a bounce back.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I lost my job at the ice cream factory .........
........because I wouldn't work on sundaes.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A girl goes to confession & says, "I'm pregnant."
"How did this happen my child?" asks the priest.
"I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by the reply, asks, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"
She replies, "Because I swallowed the first one!"

 

[Fulk]

Hi, Bitter End, is your last post the start of a pub wezzit? I'd say your picture iso the Bear in Alfred Street, Oxford

 

[Oceanrower]

Hi, Bitter End, is your last post the start of a pub wezzit? I'd say your picture iso the Bear in Alfred Street, Oxford

What gave it away? The name over the door or the name on the road sign next to it?

A career in CID awaits…

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Thanks for calling the S&M support line.
Unfortunately all of our operators are tied up at the moment...

 

[littlelegs]

Can't believe I've been sacked from the clock factory, after all the extra hours I've put in too.

 

[TheBitterEnd]

 

[Graigwen]

It used to be a famous advertising slogan.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[tony from suffolk]

I've just sat down in the restaurant with my wife and ordered the Cow Pie.

Not sure what I'm going to have yet.

 

[Speleofish]

Um. There are some funny jokes here, there are no racial jokes, but there are some that are really misogynistic. Not sure this is a good look...