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Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

A 12 year old boy goes into the confession box and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned"...
The priest replies angrily, "You better not be cheating on me, you little bastard!"
 
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The new Apple Watch has satellite calling so that if you are injured and trapped somewhere with no signal you can still be offered an unbeatable deal on double glazing.
 
I nearly got myself out of a speeding ticket by telling the policewoman she looked absolutely bloody stunning. Then I fucked up by telling her “…and it's not the drink talking”
 
A little boy was walking on the road eating a chocolate.
A man came over and said, "Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health."
The boy replied, "Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old."
"By eating chocolates?" the man asked.
"No, by minding his own business!"
 
As you will no longer receive a letter from the Queen when you turn 100, it has been confirmed you'll receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 13!
 
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