Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.
- Thread starter Mrs Trellis
- Start date
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Help! My mate's choking on a Quality Street
"The purple one?"
Yes - that's him.
"The purple one?"
Yes - that's him.
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said ‘Thanks.’
I said don't mention it...
He said ‘Thanks.’
I said don't mention it...
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Apparently its rude to poke someone in the forehead and say "skip intro" when they start talking to you
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Apparently a genuine photo and McDonald's have said they will take down the advert
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
The Queen Consort is isolating at Buckingham Palace with Covid-19...
Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer-14!
Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer-14!
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Surprise your girlfriend this Valentine's.............
..........introduce her to your wife.
..........introduce her to your wife.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Sophisticated Valentine's meal............
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
Paddy's car is running rough so he takes it to a garage.
30 minutes later the mechanic comes out and says to Paddy
"Running sweet as a nut now"
Paddy replies "Will it be ok tomorrow?"
The mechanic says "Oh sure - just shit in the carburetor"
Paddy looks shocked "What - every day?"
30 minutes later the mechanic comes out and says to Paddy
"Running sweet as a nut now"
Paddy replies "Will it be ok tomorrow?"
The mechanic says "Oh sure - just shit in the carburetor"
Paddy looks shocked "What - every day?"
Cave_Troll
Active member
The cost of living crisis has reached the point where i can not longer justify heating the cellar
There's nothing as sad as a shivering gimp
There's nothing as sad as a shivering gimp
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
A woman armed with a clipboard and pen approached me in the supermarket today and asked which grooming products I used.
Judging by the look on her face I don’t think she was expecting me to say Facebook and vodka.
Judging by the look on her face I don’t think she was expecting me to say Facebook and vodka.
TheBitterEnd
Well-known member
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
I've just had liposuction.............
.......it takes a lot out of you.
.......it takes a lot out of you.
Mrs Trellis
Well-known member
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
Robert Scott
Member
I've never considered making a bolognese sauce using turnips. I expect a turnip-based bolognese sauce is already available in the taxpayer subsidised restaurants in the Houses of Parliament. Must write to my MP for the recipe.
RobinGriffiths
Well-known member
They can't get enough of them. Turnips, Swedes, Manglewurzles. They've got hot and cold Woolton Pie on tap. Leave all that salad stuff to the foreigners.