Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Roger W]

Ooh - think I could do with signing up for classes - which ones were they? - 7 and 13!

Where did you say they are being held?

 

[phizz4]

My wife has signed me up for 9 and 12! She kept quoting '12'to me as trailed round the shops this morning.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A man goes to confession after a long absence.
He sits in the booth, looks around & says to the Priest,
''The confessional has really changed father.
I don't remember Guinness on tap and gay porn mags in the booths."
The Priest said, "That's because you're in my fuckin seat!''

 

[Brains]

Darwin award in 3.. 2.... 1...

Facebook

www.facebook.com

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has big blue hair!"

 

[tony from suffolk]

Sad news. The man who devised the M&S food ads has died.

He will be cremated tomorrow in an applewood and mesquite fire with blistered marshmallows and charred Madagascan vanilla pods.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I went dogging with the wife last night.
Never again…
By the time she'd finished parking the car everyone had fucked off!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Apparently, not many men know how to turn on a dishwasher...

Personally I always find that licking her nipples does the trick!

 

[tony from suffolk]

America sure is having some bad luck.

It's almost as if it's built over an ancient Indian burial ground.

 

[pwhole]

Ten for the price of one:

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2...0-best-jokes-from-the-edinburgh-festival-2023

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I saw a man carrying a door handle today and asked him why....

"It gets me out of the house," he said.

 

[hoehlenforscher]

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've never understood men who pay Dominatrixes to abuse them…
Just get married and fold the towels wrong!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I found my wife's G-spot at last ............
her sister had it.

 

[Oceanrower]

The worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider is you have a 90% chance of being Australian…

 

[andys]

In my twenties, I lived in a houseboat and I started dating the girl next door. But we drifted apart.

 

[GarDouth]

This morning my pet elephant died in the house...I cant get over it.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

A little boy was walking on the road eating a chocolate.
A man came over and said, "Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health."
The boy replied, "Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old."
"By eating chocolates?" the man asked.
"No, by minding his own business!"

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I was in a bar when a waitress shouted "ANYONE KNOW CPR?"
I said "Yes - I know the whole alphabet!"
Everyone laughed, except this one bloke

 

[wormster]

I bought a pair of shoes from a local drug dealer today.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!!