Friday joke - WARNING - contains swearing.

[Mrs Trellis]

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses as a result of Rachel Reeves' recent budget announcement. A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, Dyno-rod has gone down the drain.
The saddest one though is the ice cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He coulnd't take it any more and topped himself.....

 

[legendrider]

Just ordered another book on Amazon

Its called 'Steve Austin - the Six Million Dollar Man" by Onic Parts

 

[Mrs Trellis]

I've just finished "Decorating Windows" by Annette Kertan

 

[legendrider]

Also just picked up a copy of "A Guide to Great British Transport Cafes" by Laurie Park

 

[RobinGriffiths]

Can't even tell you what my current read by Flo P. Dick is about.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Can't even tell you what my current read by Flo P. Dick is about.

Soft porn?

 

[legendrider]

Why didn't the owl visit his sweetheart during Storm Bert?

Because he was too wet to woo.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Advent joke:-
I went to the doctor's this morning with a sore throat and I said that I'd been eating the Christmas decorations.
He replied "Ah, you've got tinsellitis"

 

[andys]

I don't think my parents were much good at parenting.

For a start, I don't think it did me much good to be raised as an only child. And it really pissed off my sister.

 

[legendrider]

I don't think my parents were much good at parenting.

For a start, I don't think it did me much good to be raised as an only child. And it really pissed off my sister.

You were lucky.

My brother and I had an older sister, and our parents were so poor that we had nothing to wear but hand-me-down clothes.

We were dragged-up.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[andys]

I did an online IQ test the other day and was delighted when the results came back negative.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

 

[andys]

He said - "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said - "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart".

 

[andys]

I've just Googled my way to conjunctivitis.com. Now that's a site for sore eyes!

 

[Mrs Trellis]

Q. Why is King Charles head on postage stamps?

A. Because if it were his arse no-one would lick them.

 

[wellyjen]

Q. Why is King Charles head on postage stamps?

A. Because if it were his arse no-one would lick them.

The Canadian $2 coin has King Charles on one side and a polar bear on the other. So King Charles with a bare bear backside.

 

[andys]

Apparently, Bilbo Baggins died of a Viagra overdose. I guess old Hobbits die hard.

 

[Mrs Trellis]

What do you call a woman that sets fire to all of her bills?

Bernadette

 

[GarDouth]

Just a reminder, Royal Mail have said that today is the last day to post if you want guaranteed delivery by easter.